Of Sun
by awesomesen
Summary: Yuna goes to Bevelle. What she finds there is not what she had expected. [BxY]
1. via initium

_**Of Sun**_

* * *

"Please understand," Yuna said abruptly, clutching the straps of her bag too tightly before her, halting her walk up the Highbridge, "I'm only doing this for Spira's sake." 

Baralai hadn't realized she was going to speak, and had walked on several paces ahead. He turned. He saw the white of her knuckles, the hard line of her mouth, the trembling of her eyes. Baralai rested his hands on the sides of his coat, considered and then smiled, looking past her, avoiding the sharpness of her gaze. "Of course, My Lady. Or course I understand."

That was how Yuna came to Saint Bevelle.

* * *

The Youth League had officially disbanded a month prior. 'Officially,' Paine had pointed out dryly, that was the key word. If anything, they were more organized without the name then they had been with. Their Kilika fortress was at last complete, and it was a waste not to make use of it. Nooj had been all too happy to give up the vestiges of politics, but when those former Crusaders that had rallied about him stayed, he resigned himself to a different sort of leadership. Together with the former Knight, Lucil, he organized a haphazard police force to be spread throughout Spira, defending villages from fiends and other such dangers. This suited the former Youth League, made mostly of young men and women that had dedicated their lives to the fighting of monsters, and it suited the villages, which even without Sin to worry about had plenty of other concerns to go by. 

The Machina Faction—Cid's Gippal's Nhadala's Machina Faction, Rikku had said, ticking the chain of command off her fingers—was still going strong, but then, it had never meant to be a political group to start with. They were cheerfully expanding, taking advantage of Gippal's newfound celebrity status (_damn straight _I took down Vegna-whatsit, he'd say loudly, it only being a manner of time before he claimed singular credit). In the desert, according to Rikku, Nhadala was working on building more permanent housing for her diggers, and in Djose Gippal sent out parties of Al Bhed to Luca and Bevelle each week, just to maintain and install the multitudes of machina each city was starting to host.

"The New Yevon group," Nooj said firmly, "must be abolished." He paused as if to see if Baralai would speak, but was greeted only with silence. "It has been agreed that Spira should not be divided by petty political groups, has it not? The Youth League has been disbanded. The Al Bhed were never an issue… and yet New Yevon shows no inclination towards disbanding. We have given you the time you asked for, Praetor. Why have you made no progress?"

"They do not listen to me alone," Baralai replied levelly, "I am merely elected head. There is still the Chairman, as well as the council. Without the agreement of all, I cannot do a thing."

"I think you just don't want to give up the Yevon thing," and the insult was that it was Gippal who spoke up, not Nooj. He drummed his knuckles, bored, on the table. "Face it, man, you like bein' in charge."

Baralai ignored him. "Perhaps I could change the name of our group, like you did yours," he said to Nooj, an accusation wrapped in polite tones. "Perhaps if I started calling myself Praetor of the Bevelle League…"

The former Youth League was now officially known as the Kilika Union. Nooj narrowed his eyes.

"Maybe," Gippal said cheerfully, "you could stick with 'New Yevon' and just start calling yourself a Maester. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" He had never quite forgiven Baralai for rejoining the temples, and had never quite mastered the art of silence. The only thing that kept Baralai from anger was that Gippal casually insulted Nooj just as often, whenever a thought sprang to mind.

"Perhaps," Yuna said quietly, hands clasped. She didn't finish her sentence as, surprised, the three men looked at her in unison—Nooj with suspicion, Baralai with masked politeness, Gippal with boredom. She suspected they had forgotten they were not the only ones in the room, that they had forgotten the Gullwings were mediating the talk—not that it was hard to forget. Rikku had long since abandoned all pretences of attention, instead doodling on scrap paper, and Paine had seemingly decided Rikku's shaky, cartoony sketches were more interesting then the men they represented, watching the paper with interest.

"Perhaps," Yuna said again, "the Praetor is correct."

Nooj didn't hide his scorn. "Lady Yuna, with all due respect, I think you do not understand the issue at hand. New Yevon must be dissolved. There is no right or wrong about it, and as long as Baralai hides behind his council, Yevon will remain."

"With all due respect," Yuna replied, slightly annoyed, "I think I may understand better then you. Without a government, who is to stop someone _else_ to take control? Better to have a leader we can trust then a stranger we do not know… I don't think New Yevon should have this power, either, but I know that until another solution is found it will not let itself be disbanded."

"Do you think I am unaware of this?" Nooj replied, "do you think me a fool? Of course I am aware that Spira needs leaders—but we are not they. And if one of the factions was to take control, it certainly should _not_ be Yevon. Have you already forgotten how you yourself threw its shadow from Spira? You of all people should know that we cannot allow them to have power."

"Even so, I'd rather have a corrupt government with experience in running a nation over a bunch of half-drunk hooligans!" Yuna snapped, surprising herself as well as everyone else. "Last time the Youth League was left to their own devices, they nearly declared war on Spira—lest you forget, Nooj."

She dropped the honorific, an insult. Nooj regarded her carefully, eyes narrowed, mouth thin, but said nothing.

"Can see why she got to be High Summoner," Gippal remarked.

Yuna felt almost ashamed. She had tried so hard to keep from aligning herself with either side—kept her opinions to herself, even when Rikku and Paine argued—Paine was Youth League if anything, Rikku sided with the Al Bhed, and they had on occasion debated for hours the point to New Yevon. Better the enemy you know, that was how Yuna had always reasoned it. She _knew_ Yevon, and distrusted it enough to feel safe within it. You always knew what Yevon was going to do. They were predictable. The Youth League had always made her wary, even though she had given the Sphere to them when given the chance. To need to fight was one thing, but they all were so _enthusiastic_ about it, so filled with the desire to hurt and kill and destroy… between ice and lava, Yuna would rather freeze.

Baralai said nothing, merely sitting in his place, hands on the table before him. He hadn't moved since Yuna and Nooj had begun to argue, and waited until he was certain no one else was planning to speak before speaking himself. He glanced at Nooj—stormy—and Yuna—blushing. Rikku and Gippal and Paine carried various degrees of interest on their faces, with Rikku's the least hidden and Paine's the most reluctant.

"I think that New Yevon should disband as well," he said carefully. Yuna looked almost offended—having just sprung to his defense in that manner—and Nooj, damn him, was smug. "I just do not have the power to do so myself."

"If the leader of Yevon doesn't, then who does?" Rikku wondered aloud, tapping her lip with one gold-painted fingernail. It was a fair question. Gippal raised his hand like he was a student in a class.

"The answer is 'Lady Yuna,' right?"

* * *

"You don't _really_ have to do this," Paine pointed out, "Seriously, Yuna, just because the guys can't handle it on their own…" 

"Yeah, just take a break for once!" Rikku finished, bouncing on her heels anxiously, "I mean, this is _Bevelle_. I mean—that's like, _super_ Yevon…"

"You heard," Yuna said, rummaging through the trunk at the foot of her bed at the Celsius for clothing, "what Gippal said." She examined a white blouse before tossing it onto a pile of clothing already resting on her blankets.

"Yeah, but he's _Gippal_," Paine said patiently, "you can't believe half of what he says."

"He was right," Yuna said, standing up and dusting her knees. She looked around the landing absently, preoccupied with packing. With an impatient huff, Rikku flopped down on her bed, the far right.

"Its not that big a deal. I'll go stay in Bevelle for a few weeks—helping Baralai… it's not like the ends of the world. You can still visit," Yuna said, a twinge of nervousness creeping into her voice all the same as she began to pack clothes into a carpetbag. No, this wasn't what she wanted—"I don't have anything better to do, anyway," she added, not realizing what she said until it was too late.

Yuna froze, shirt in hand. Paine's arms were folded over her chest, and she gave Yuna a thoughtful glance. Behind her, Rikku stopped bouncing on her mattress. "I didn't mean that," Yuna said quickly.

"You did, that's why you said it," Rikku said quietly. "Yunie…"

"Maybe," Paine interrupted, "it would be a good idea for you to quit sphere hunting for a while." The other girls looked at her questioningly, and Paine frowned slightly—a reflex more then an expression of feeling—before finishing. "Its only been a few months since Shuyin, and you haven't taken a break since."

"Neither have you," Yuna said weakly, folding the shirt she held and putting it in her bag, resuming her packing.

"No," Paine admitted, "but Shuyin didn't look like _my_ dead boyfriend." To call her blunt was a slight understatement.

Rikku's mattress creaked as she stood up and hurried to Yuna's side, thin arms wrapping around Yuna before she could even process them, Rikku _always_ knew when Yuna needed comforting, even when Yuna herself didn't. "I miss him too, you know?" she said soothingly.

"Of course you do," Yuna replied, mechanically, her fingers twitching under the folds of a skirt she was arranging.

"I thought it was him, too," Rikku continued, arms tight over Yuna's arms and back, "I really did. And it wasn't—not even a little—I know you're _so sad_, Yunie…"

Paine stood on the other side of the bed, and between her and Rikku Yuna felt surrounded. "I saw a fayth," she said suddenly, thinly, "on our way back up. Bahamut. He said—he asked if I wanted to see him, one last time. A ghost. He was dead all along," Yuna said quickly, admitting the incident for the first time. Rikku had been chatting away with Gippal at the time, Paine helping Baralai—still weak—and Yuna had fallen a few steps behind the group. He had appeared, just briefly, just a shape, just a ghost. Dead. Gone. Proof.

Before, she could just—just hope that there was a mistake, he was back in his Zanarkand, in a sphere of Bevelle—but only the dead appeared on the Farplane. There would be no more hoping.

Paine took the skirt from Yuna's shaking hands and folded it herself, messily, resuming Yuna's packing. Yuna wanted to tell her not to—that she was capable of doing it herself—but she had frozen, somehow. Rikku's arms were blazing hot.

"Crying's okay, you know," Rikku whispered.

"I'm not," Yuna said.

* * *

Maybe, she thought, as she watched the Celsius fly away, a violently red dot on the horizon, maybe Paine was right. Maybe she did need to get away from spheres for a while. 

"Lady Yuna," Baralai called from behind her, and she turned to see that he has come to greet her, personally. Yuna might have felt flattered, but the very nature of her visit was one of _being used_. She was whoring herself out to Yevon, flattering them with her fame, tempting them into doing what she wished. Yevon was using her, would be using her for these next few weeks.

"It's good to see you," Baralai said politely, glancing down at Yuna's remarkably ugly bag. "Shall I take that for you?"

"I've got it," Yuna said thinly.

Baralai seemed to debate this for a moment, before pointing in the direction of the Highbridge. "Well, your rooms have already been set up. Come with me, I'll take you to them—do you need to be shown around?"

He was always this polite, Yuna knew, but something about it now was vaguely offensive. But she was the one being unreasonable, she knew—"I was born here," Yuna said, instead of the polite reply she had intended.

"Ah, yes, I see," Baralai replied, inclining his head, "I had forgotten. Very well then, Lady Yuna, please follow me."

She did, feeling slightly ashamed by her rudeness. But at the same time, Yuna was pleased by it, almost—pleased that she was not just lying down, letting Yevon do what they liked in her name. She would be their pawn, yes, but Yuna intended to make it clear that she was only their pawn because she wished to be… but was such a thing possible?

Baralai walked alongside her, a step ahead, and she watched him from the corner of her eye. In truth, she liked him best of the three faction leaders—Gippal was alright, she supposed, when he wasn't being an arrogant fool, and Nooj bordered between stoic and irritating—but Yuna was well aware that most of what there was to like was just a carefully constructed act, a façade meant to promote trust. The real Baralai could be far, far worse… but could he really be that terrible? Yuna wondered, objectively, how well one could hide their true self beneath a mask. She was a terrible liar and couldn't fathom such a thing.

"Lady Yuna," Baralai said, breaking the silence, "you know, I really am glad you are here."

"Thank you," Yuna replied, "I hope that my stay will be successful."

"Well," Baralai said, "you are High Summoner—I doubt the council can ignore your words. But I meant more…" he trailed off thoughtfully, silent for a moment before adding, reflectively, "I'm just glad you're here, Milady."

Yuna glanced at him sharply, stomach plunging, but said nothing, walking silently for a moment, thoughts wrestling in her head. She was making a big deal over nothing—she knew that—she was just being silly, but…

"Please understand," Yuna said abruptly, clutching the straps of her bag too tightly before her, halting her walk up the Highbridge, "I'm only doing this for Spira's sake."

Baralai hadn't realized she was going to speak, and had walked on several paces ahead. He turned. He saw the white of her knuckles, the hard line of her mouth, the trembling of her eyes. Baralai rested his hands on the sides of his coat, considered and then smiled, looking past her, avoiding the sharpness of her gaze. "Of course, My Lady. Or course I understand."

That was how Yuna came to Saint Bevelle.

* * *

_(tbc)_


	2. via amicitia

* * *

Yuna didn't know what exactly she had expected, but three days of _nothing_ wasn't it. The last she had seen Baralai was when he had shown her to her rooms—a small apartment on the second floor, small, sparsely decorated, and completely devoid of anything that could be used to pass the time, from sphere players to books. Even the view from the windows and small balcony were boring, overlooking a pretty, but deserted, courtyard. 

No, that wasn't true. She had seen him, but only briefly. He'd say hello, but there was no time for conversation—not on Yuna's end, but Baralai's. She didn't know what exactly he did all day, but she had a new appreciation for him despite that. No matter when she saw him, he was busy, rushing from one appointment to another.

Yuna, on the other hand, barely moved at all. After some exploring she had discovered a small library in a wing on the other side of the palace, and she took to spending her days there, reading in front of the fire and wishing someone would seek her out. The palaces were huge, but somehow sound didn't carry. Everything was cool, thick, and muffled, smelling faintly of water and dust.

Yuna was bored. She hadn't realized how much she loved sphere hunting until she couldn't do it any more, until she couldn't do anything at all. She hadn't realized how used to fighting and searching and _moving_ she was. Yuna had always thought that peace and quiet was what she really wanted, but now that she was in the thick of it, she was restless.

At least if she had someone to talk to!

She closed her book impatiently, an overly thick volume with yellowing pages detailing life in the southern islands three hundred years ago—as far as Yuna could tell, it was exactly the same as it was now, but back then they hadn't known how to write interestingly. If she stayed in the library any longer, she was going to _scream_.

No sooner had Yuna thought this then the library door opened. Looking distracted, and tired, Baralai trudged in, carrying a book in one hand. He didn't seem to notice Yuna at first, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he closed the door behind him. Despite it being rude, Yuna didn't draw attention to her chair, watching him… there was something different about him, not the tiredness… but… with slight surprise, Yuna realized it was the tiredness, the obvious display of it. Normally he was so composed—even with those he considered his friends—there was something uncomfortable about it, even though it had only been a moment. Yuna stood up. "Praetor?"

At once, Baralai straightened, hand falling to his side, face calm. He still looked tired… but at the same time, he didn't, not as tired, not exhausted. A little surprised, though. "Lady Yuna," he said, "I didn't realize you would be here. Good afternoon."

"Am I not allowed?" Yuna asked, the thought not having occurred to her.

"I would be surprised if there was a place in Saint Bevelle you were _not_ allowed," Baralai replied mildly. He looked uncomfortable, however.

"I'm sorry if I startled you," Yuna said, walking over to him, "I was surprised to see you, too." She was curious, despite herself. "You looked tired."

Baralai was quiet for a moment, before smiling thinly. "I haven't been sleeping well lately." He walked past Yuna, placing his book on a table before turning back to her, speaking seriously. "I must apologize. I have been remiss in my duties as a host. You oughtn't to have spent so much time alone, My Lady."

"It's okay," Yuna lied. She was a poor liar, and Baralai raised an eyebrow slightly. "Well, I've been reading a lot, that's all," Yuna amended.

"You must have been bored," Baralai replied, sounding almost amused. "This library is only for reports, books containing transcripts of crops and trade and the like."

"I'd noticed," Yuna admitted.

"I can show you to the more general library, if you'd like—it's on the opposite end of the palace, and much larger then this," Baralai offered. "I have a few minutes."

"Yes, thank you," Yuna replied, wondering if now would be a good time to ask what exactly was required of her here, in Bevelle, in New Yevon. She followed him from the library, and down the corridor in the opposite direction of Yuna's rooms. Yuna tried to think of something to say, but was lost for words… she didn't think she had ever been alone with Baralai before, and realized that she didn't know much about him. "Do you have any brothers and sisters?" she blurted out, desperate for conversation.

Again, he looked almost amused. "Yes. Several, in fact," Baralai amended, leading her down a corridor that opened into one of the palace's main halls, high ceiling and spaced with tapestries and arched stained glass windows. It was crowded with other people, most of whom bowed as they passed. Baralai and Yuna bowed in reply, Yuna unused to carrying on conversation and formalities at the same time. Baralai was clearly more adept at it, speaking around the greetings as if they had never taken place to begin with. "I am the youngest of six," he explained, "All but one sisters."

"That—must be nice," Yuna stammered, between bowing and wishing health to an elderly priest.

"I suppose," Baralai said neutrally. "To be frank, I'm not terribly fond of them."

"It seems like a luxury, to be able to dislike your family," Yuna said, walking quickly in hopes of discouraging people from greeting her. Being famous really was a pain.

"I'm sorry if I caused you offence," Baralai replied at once, dropping the subject. "This way, My Lady."

In silence again—at least to each other—Yuna followed Baralai for a moment longer, before he lead her outside. She knew where they were—the entrance to the Bevelle Temple, although from a different angle then she was used to. Off to the left and down a narrow staircase crossing a canal was the main highway, the Temple doors cutting across them and leading, Yuna knew, to the Temple courtyard, the inner Sanctum, the Cloister of Trials and the Chamber of the Fayth. "The library is in the temple?" she said, doubtfully.

"No, it's in the Maester's Palace," Baralai said, using perhaps unconsciously Bevelle slang for the separate building, now offices, that had been built with the intention of housing the Maesters of Yevon. The Maesters had built themselves a grander palace, where Yuna's rooms were, but the name had stuck even if the building itself was called officially the Department of Relations.

"But isn't that… across the canal?" Yuna asked, pointing at the high wall on the right.

"There's a short cut," Baralai replied, downright cheerfully (for him), leading the way down the narrow stone steps. "Not too many people know about it."

"A secret tunnel?" Yuna asked, and when he nodded, she added, "How did you find it?"

"I happened upon it by chance, several years ago. My eldest sister was a Priestess. I spent a lot of time in temples as a child."

Yuna suspected there was more to the story then that, but Baralai fell silent. She was starting to suspect that underneath all the tact and _Bevelle_, there was a far less polite Baralai, one that spent his childhood in the temples not praying, but searching for the secret passages that everyone knew were rumored to exist.

"It's only a few minutes walk, as you see." Baralai said, leading Yuna through the gate—closed against the public, although neither of the qualified as that—"Although normally, it is far more crowded here. There's a ceremony—perhaps you noticed how busy it's been here lately?"

Yuna hadn't, but then, she had been holed up in the Library of Records for the past three days. Once they were inside the temple, the emptiness really made itself felt, the grand cathedral dark and quiet without the echoes of voices—and the Hymn. Yuna had always liked the Hymn, really, and missed it. The statues of the High Summoners seemed to loom over them, partially in shadow. It was an uneasy place.

"Is that why I've been left alone?" Yuna asked, remembered her earlier question, stopping her walk and shivering slightly in the cool, glancing around the temple.

Baralai looked slightly uncomfortable, also stopping. "I'm very sorry about that, Lady Yuna," he said. "The magic academy has a class graduating this week, and today is the anniversary of Maester Jael's coronation, and between the two…" Maester Jael had been a celebrated leader, about two hundred years ago. Yuna had forgotten that his reign was celebrated in Bevelle still, even if not the rest of Spira.

"You must have been busy. It's okay," Yuna said, feeling slightly appeased by Baralai's guilty expression.

"I haven't even seen the Chairman, or the council," Baralai admitted. "But there's a meeting four days from now—if My Lady doesn't mind the wait. Perhaps you could go back to your Sphere Hunting until then?"

"No," Yuna said slowly. She looked for and quickly found the statue of her father, his face shadowed in the dim lighting. "I think I should stay here… make my presence felt, I guess."

Baralai was quiet for a moment before replying. "Please do not take offence, Lady Yuna, but holing yourself up the library isn't the way to do that."

"I know," Yuna admitted, "I'm just a little lost as to what I should do…" she sighed, "and I'm still not sure if I really _want_ people to think I've taken up with New Yevon." She felt guilty for that, seeing as she had gone to Bevelle just for that purpose, seeing as Baralai was New Yevon's leader, and rambled on despite herself. "Although I guess it really shouldn't matter, I mean, maybe it would be more balanced that way—Rikku is Cid's daughter, so it's like the Machina Faction is part of her. And Paine's admitted that she'd be happy in the Youth League, so all my friends seem to be split up between the two… but except for Isaaru, I don't really know anyone in New Yevon, and what would _he_ say if he knew I was here?" Yuna cut herself off after that high outburst, clamping a hand over her mouth, palm pressing hotly into her lips.

Baralai was silent, taken slightly aback. Finally, he said, slowly, "You're not talking about Isaaru, are you."

Yuna didn't have to reply. Her face was burning, and she looking around wildly, settling her eyes on a fresco decorating the parapet of the tier above. Painted Summoners battled Painted Sinspawn, chubby fayth and swooning women looking on.

"I'm sorry," Baralai said after a minute. "I've heard…"

"Heard what?" Yuna asked harshly.

"From Paine, mostly. But there are other rumors as well," Baralai said calmly, joining Yuna in admiring the parapets. "High Summoner Yuna, by all accounts, had an unusually large amount of Guardians in her service. Six, in fact—and yet only four of them were with her during the celebrations in Luca."

Yuna's heart sank. "We thought it best… he would have _loved_ the fame, you know?" she wrung her hands, "he would have loved to be famous, a legendary guardian, but we thought it would be best if we left him out of the story—because of his father… and the fayth…" Baralai couldn't understand the details, Yuna never spoke of them, none of them did, but he did not voice his confusion. "So we made it seem like he had never… it was simpler that way. But he was so outgoing…" Yuna smiled. "He made so many friends. And enemies. We couldn't—just wipe him away."

"They say you were," he hesitated politely, "that you had feelings for him."

"You mean, Paine said," Yuna corrected, not unkindly. Her smile became twisted. "But he's dead. He won't come back… even if Shuyin… that's why I came here. The others think I need a vacation from all of… everything."

"I understand," Baralai said carefully. Yuna sighed deeply, then looked at the Praetor with an embarrassed smile.

"Sorry for, um, going off at you like that."

He smiled slightly, looking unpracticed. "It's fine, really."

"Um," Yuna said, awkwardly, "maybe we could… keep going? To the library?"

"Yes, of course," Baralai replied, sounding slightly relieved. Well, Yuna couldn't blame him—she was happy to leave this conversation behind, too. But apparently he had other plans. Baralai led Yuna up some stairs to the tier they were earlier admiring, then showed her a hidden door beside a statue of Yunalesca—down those stairs was a narrow, dim corridor leading under the temple. He fell into step beside her as they walked.

"I can't pretend to understand how you feel," Baralai said carefully, "but… Lady Yuna, I think it would be wise of you to remember that you are not the only one to have lost someone they care for. In this world, that sort of grief is shared by too many."

"You mean," Yuna sighed, "since it's been two years, I really should let go already."

"Well," Baralai said, then smiled ruefully when Yuna shot him a Look. "Yes, I do."

Yuna was silent. She knew he was right—she knew that she was being almost selfish—but—it still _hurt_. Would it have hurt so much if he had died in a fight? Died killing Sin? Died—not vanished after the battle was won? Or…

"Who… who did you loose?" Yuna asked finally, trying to divert her thoughts. Baralai was silent for a very long time, and Yuna began to worry she had offended him.

"My sister," he said at last. "Alennia. A priestess. When I was eighteen."

"I'm sorry," Yuna said.

They were silent the rest of the short walk, emerging from a second hidden door (this time beside a statue of Lord Zaon) in the Maester's Palace, only a few feet from the vast set of doors leading to the Royal Libraries.

Baralai excused himself then, politely, bowing, and Yuna, watching him walk away, thought absently that there couldn't be two people less alike.

* * *


	3. via conscientia

_

* * *

You took the word_

_And made it hurt_

_Eased the people's pain and for that_

_You were idolized_

_Immortalized_

_You were not the same after that…_

— _Not the Same, Ben Folds

* * *

_

The next day, instead of hiding in her rooms or the Library of Records, Yuna used Baralai's secret passage to visit the library in the Maester's Palace.

The Royal Libraries were large and spacious, a gigantic room with tunnels of tall shelves crowded with books, little passageways of reading material that opened every so often to a clearing inhabited by armchairs and carpets. It was mazelike and crowded, but altogether very comfortable. The far wall was made up of stained glass portraits two stories high, bulging out—for the library was in the base of a tower—with a marble grand staircase curving against them, leading to an open tier that half covered the bottom floor of the library. This tier was spaced with desks, lamps, and chairs, although not entirely without books, and at one chair in a group of three, next to the fireplace, Yuna took her tea and a book.

An hour into _A Brief Comparison of Culture_, a rather thick blue book with an admirably vague name that had turned out to be a laundry list of traditions abolished and forgotten by Yevon, Baralai sat in the chair opposite her.

Yuna used her finger as a bookmark, looking up at the Praetor with some surprise… and a little discomfort. His words from the day before still hadn't settled inside her, and while Yuna wasn't angry at Baralai… it was still somewhat uncomfortable.

"I hope I am not disturbing you," Baralai said.

"You startled me," Yuna said, "you're about the last person I expected to… just appear."

"I used the stairs, actually," Baralai said seriously, almost certainly teasing. "I have a free hour, and I thought perhaps you would like some company," he added. "At the very least, I assure you that you may consider any conversation between us conductive to your goals of sneaking past Yevon's defenses."

Yuna smiled. "You're in a good mood today. I didn't know you _had_ a sense of humor."

"I try to hide it," Baralai replied, amused. "Actually, I'm taking the advice of a, ah, mutual friend. He contacted me with the Com-Spheres earlier today, and warned me not to try not to 'freak you out' with my 'crazy Yevon ways.'"

"A mutual friend?" Yuna asked, guessing at who.

"Your cousin then interrupted with a bodily threat against my health if I made your stay here in any way uncomfortable," Baralai continued, looking amused.

Yuna smiled, but was curious. "So the Gullwings are at Djose?"

Baralai nodded. "Gippal mentioned that your companions had brought their Airship to the Machina Faction for upgrades and the like."

Yuna hummed. "I wish I had known they were calling… I would have liked to talk to Rikku and Paine," she said wistfully.

"Well, the call was intended for business purposes—one of the Machines Gippal gave to us has been acting up lately, and I'd like to get it repaired sooner rather then later. He's sending a team up the day after tomorrow," Baralai explained.

"You sound busy," Yuna said.

"No busier then usual. With Jael's anniversary past, things should calm down around here," Baralai said. "What are you reading?"

He was, Yuna realized, trying to make conversation. "It's interesting," she said, angling the book—finger still serving as a marker—so he could read the spine, "if not a little dry. It's like an encyclopedia of traditions that died out long ago, or were abolished by Yevon once the Church became widespread. Some of it is obvious—before Sin, some places used to have human sacrifice ceremonies—but some of it sounds nice." Yuna opened the book, tapping the page she had been reading. "Other things, too. I was just reading about some old creation myths from about three thousand years ago—but there are also histories of machina and such, if not terribly detailed ones."

Baralai frowned at the book. "I'm surprised such a book would be written—or that it could survive the temple's scrutiny."

"Oh, well, the tone's very—" Yuna traced a sentence with her finger, "'…such a foolish attempt to explain the origins of Spira, clearly the result of the collaborations of fools… only the most ignorant would be so daring as to presume… as any educated man would know, such is impossible…'" she shrugged. "It all reads like that. It's very pretentious—but interesting all the same."

"'I think you are a fool, but I shall write of you unbiased,'" Baralai guessed, "the author's opinions choking the text. You'll find many books here are like that."

"I sort of want to hit the author, especially when he talks about the foolishness of women, but a lot of it is interesting when you strip the writer away," Yuna said. "Did you know that the Al Bhed have Sendings, too?"

"I've heard," Baralai said.

"Well, there's a description in here. The closest female blood relative to the deceased, a sister or child, cousin if nothing else can be found… They put the body on a pyre and set it alight, and the woman does the Sending by dancing. Not the sort we use, it's supposed to be very rough, the author uses the term 'immodest calisthenics' to describe it. The dancer wears bangles and bells and so chimes when she moves, spinning and twisting and leaping like a bit of fire, I guess—it's done on sand, never water, and barefoot. And since the Al Bhed aren't as magical as the rest of Spira, there's a separate part of the ceremony, where everyone watching chants to the woman's lead, so she sort of borrows a little from everyone to gain enough. It's supposed to be—he says 'hive minded,' so I suppose that even though there's just one person, everyone is involved, they circle around the pyre and chant loudly while she dances and—and," Yuna said, blushing and cutting herself off, "you really aren't interested in this, are you?"

Baralai smiled. "It's fascinating."

"You don't have to lie," Yuna said, closing the book again. "I got a little carried away."

"It _is_ fascinating," Baralai protested mildly. "It seems an interesting custom, but more then that… it's nice to see My Lady so passionate about something."

"Just a dance," Yuna mumbled, blushing. "I just… have a professional interest, that's all."

"There's really nothing to apologize for," Baralai said, sounding vaguely amused.

Yuna hummed, appeased. "Well, the chants themselves—I'm not very good at reading Al Bhed, and the author was worse at writing it—but I must admit that I'm somewhat amused by them. The chants were different depending on the cause of death, but from what I can tell they seem to have the common refrain, "'Death be to he who has taken my love, death be to Yevon for renewing my sorrow.'"

"It's almost pretty," Baralai replied. "It's a common phrase, isn't it? 'Yevon renews.' _Yevon nahafc_—Gippal uses it as a swear."

"Oh, really?" Yuna said, interested. "I've never heard it…"

"I asked him once—I was confused, since the meaning doesn't by itself seem terribly… vulgar. I didn't know it was part of a funeral chant, however."

"There's so much I don't know about the Al Bhed," Yuna admitted, "and my mother was one. They're so closed, you know? Separatist. Even now, they assimilate into Spira, become friendly, and we still know nothing of them."

"That's merely Yevon's influence," Baralai replied. "What do you know about the Guado? Ronso culture? Both were considered civilized races, yet Yevon hardly bothered to deal with them after conversion. Hardly anyone knows well their traditions, histories, even cuisine, despite their inclusion in the Four Races. The Guado have only been part of the so-called civilized world for fifty years or so—prior to Yevon, they lived in Guadosalam, and the roads all led around, not through. Jyscal was the first Guado Maester, and he only for the fact that his devotion for Yevon made a good example. Even in recent years the Guado were hardly members of the clergy, the nation—the Glories only were created twenty years ago, and hardly any Guado shows interest in Blitz. Macalania Temple was 'given' to them, but only a handful of Guado ever bothered to play at running it. The Guado find it beneficial to be a part of Spira, of this nation, but they play at it hardly better then the Al Bhed. Only Lord Seymour was remotely interested in the world of the Maesters and Yevon, and he hardly cared for worship and prayer… as I suppose you know," Baralai added, cutting himself off, embarrassed.

"It's nice to see you so passionate about something," Yuna said, half teasing by echoing his earlier words. "I'm not joking, though. I don't think I've ever…"

"Seen me prattle on so foolishly?" Baralai suggested.

"Heard you speak so much in one go," Yuna decided. "You know a lot about the Guado, don't you?"

"My sister Alennia was a missionary to Guadosalam. I went with her, and lived among the Guado from age fourteen to seventeen," Baralai explained. "I returned to Bevelle after that, and when Alennia died, I left home again."

"For the Crimson Squad?" Yuna guessed. Baralai nodded.

"That is correct. But after that… I wasn't sure where to go. I'm not fond of, or close to, the rest of my family… and I didn't feel safe here, in Bevelle, after Operation Mi'ihen. I went to Guadosalam again, and stayed there until after My Lady brought us the Calm," Baralai explained.

"So you like the Guado?" Yuna asked.

"I suppose," Baralai said. "They're a strange people. Superstitious, ritualistic, and before Yevon they had their own set of gods, fifteen or twenty of them. They didn't believe in Sending the dead, instead, they'd bury the corpse along Guadosalam's main highway, planting myrtle on the graves. When the flowers grew and bloomed, they'd have a funeral party—even though it was months later—and brew the plants in their tea, eating petals mixed with salad. It was morbid… although pretty. I suppose I do have a fondness for them, yes."

Yuna tried to imagine eating something from on top of a grave, her stomach twisting in distaste. "But the Farplane is there, why don't they make use of that?"

"To the Guado, pyreflies are evil spirits, demons of misfortune. At least, before Yevon, although a fair amount of the elderly still swear against them. I suppose it is the same sort of difference Yevon and the Al Bhed have when it comes to Machina, the only real difference being the Guado's willingness to convert."

"But then again," Yuna mused, "the Guado's home is right in the middle of Yevon territory—look at an old map and you'll see a blue spot in the middle of the green. The Al Bhed had the sense to live far from Bevelle's influence."

"Not willingly," Baralai pointed out. Yuna looked confused, so he elaborated. "The Al Bhed are basically human, and they used to live in the same places as the rest of us. The mutation of the eyes—the spiral—was considered a bad omen, but it occurred, and in different colors, throughout Spira—although rarely. It was only when the Beid Clan began to use Machina and preach their use in direct violation of the Maesters that the Al Bhed as a race were created. The fact that the Beid family possessed the mutation was merely bad luck, and soon everyone with that spiral were considered part of the cursed race. Hundreds of years eliminated variations, and so now all Al Bhed have green eyes, but it wasn't always that way. They were exiled humans, where the Guado were a different race entirely. They kept to themselves and were avoided, where the Al Bhed were hunted purposefully."

Yuna stared at Baralai, and he averted his eyes, looking somewhat embarrassed. Yuna smiled at him. "It's just… I really haven't ever heard you _talk_ so much. And you know a lot, don't you?"

"I read," Baralai replied, still looking uncomfortable. "A missionary's brother learns a lot about those he lives with, and Alennia was passionate about this sort of thing. And of course," he added thoughtfully, "a Praetor's job seems to be much of the same. The more you know about another person, the easier it is to befriend them… or fight them, if it comes to that. Information is power."

"You didn't have to put it quite so bluntly," Yuna said, teasing. "I was impressed for a minute there."

Baralai smiled slightly. "I apologize, then."

"You sound almost bitter towards Yevon," Yuna said thoughtfully, "I mean, you speak of the Guado fondly, of their old traditions. It's not a bad thing, but…"

"Not what you'd expect from the Praetor?" Baralai finished. "I do believe in Yevon, with all of my soul. I believe that New Yevon should be disbanded, but I will remain in the temples as long as they continue to exist."

"As a government," Yuna said, somewhat annoyed, "Yevon's been nothing but _terrible_ for Spira. Bigotry against the Al Bhed—and Guado, and Ronso, to smaller extents—corruption and the refusal to help any that do not agree to submit to their wills. Kidnapping, murder, betrayals—all as the norm. And Yevon is named for Yu Yevon… creator of Sin. Sin. Yevon is just a… false hope. A lie. An attempt to placate an angry God by worshiping the death he causes. Sin is our jail, so let us worship the jailer."

"And yet without Yevon, we wouldn't here having this conversation," Baralai said simply. "Yevon gave the people hope to live, promised them that Sin would someday leave. The Final Aeon was false, yes, but Yevon was much more then that. It was a net, of sorts—no matter who you were, where you were, you could find someone to help you, someone to assist you, whether you were lost and alone or merely in need of a place to sleep. The Temples taught and took in children, organized towns and trade between… and yes, gave the people hope. Perhaps the Final Aeon was a lie… perhaps many things were a lie," Baralai said slowly, "but… I always knew that they would help me. I knew that I could turn to Yevon whenever things seemed too difficult, that in prayer I could find comfort… the belief that this was something I could do. That it would help. That even if I fell, there would be someone to help me stand again, someone who cared. And perhaps it is a foolish, sentimental thought, but…"

"But Sin is dead," Yuna said gently, "there's no need for Yevon any longer."

"The Eternal Calm," Baralai replied, "I think you and I know better then most that the name means very little. Yevon was founded for Sin, but just because Sin is gone, do we really have no want of hope, of safety? Has the world become so perfect since then?"

"I used to pray too," Yuna protested, frowning and leaning back in her chair. "I was Yevon, too… I became a Summoner because of my belief in Yevon. I decided that I would gladly die for the sake of a brief Calm, for the sake of Yevon and Spira… but you can't just believe blindly. You can't." Yuna looked down at her lap, book still resting on her knees, finger still marking her place. "It's so hard to do that… but it was so hard after, too. Maybe… maybe it is a little lonely, like this, but that doesn't mean it's bad. I'd rather be lonely then bigoted."

"It doesn't _have_ to be bigoted," Baralai said impatiently. "It doesn't have to be a corrupt system. The teachings tell us not to use Machina to start wars—not to not use them at all. They teach us to respect our neighbors and be kind to our families—there's nothing about hating the Al Bhed, nothing about exiling those that do not believe. And if they teach of the Final Aeon, well, Lady Yuna is the first to make public the truth. Can we punish the writers for ignorance?"

"Maybe not, but that doesn't make it right," Yuna said.

"So we amend! The scriptures were added to several times over the centuries—what's to stop us now?" Baralai lowered his voice slightly, closing his eyes. "When you destroyed Sin and made clear that you did it free of Yevon, the dislike of it became something of a trend. And who flocked to it? The Crusaders—those hurt by Operation Mi'ihen. The Al Bhed—all along. Many did, and I'm not saying they were wrong. But just as many… you couldn't have hurt them more if you had burned their homes and all their belongings, claiming them better off. That's why New Yevon was formed, initially, and that's why I joined it."

"I understand that," Yuna said, "I'm not saying it's bad. I think Spira is changing quickly… maybe even a little too quickly… and if people are lost, then of course it's fine if they wish to move at their own pace towards the future. It feels so long, but it hasn't even been three years. In time, Spira will settle, I'm sure, and I know it's selfish to demand everything move perfectly so soon."

"Then what are you arguing?" Baralai asked quietly.

"I'm not even sure!" Yuna said highly, smiling weakly. "I used to… I used to pray everyday. I used to be so happy… but now I get so angry when I think of Yevon. And it's not my right to protest someone else's belief, but… Yevon hurt me so badly. You can't understand."

"Is that so?" Baralai said dryly. "My sister's death was highly suspicious, you know. She loved being a missionary, but eventually warmed to it as more of a diplomat. Her belief in Yevon became rather secular, and in that action her tolerance towards the lesser people grew. We returned to Bevelle, where she began saying publicly—to audiences, when she could—that the Al Bhed ought not to be exiled, ostracized, that Yevon had no right to force the Guado to convert… rather controversial, you'll agree. Shortly after my eighteenth birthday, Alennia was traveling from Macalania Temple, encountered some fiends, and was killed. An unfortunate event indeed."

"That's terrible," Yuna said, outraged.

"My faith was somewhat shaken after that. I ran away from home and ended up in the Crimson Squad, where, needless to say, my faith was entirely shattered."

"So how did you end up as Praetor?" Yuna asked carefully.

"I tried again. I was alone. I had no friends, and had abandoned my family so loudly that I couldn't turn back to them. Where else could I go but the temples? I was reluctant, but they were patient with me," Baralai explained quietly. He was silent a long minute, before smiling weakly. "As for the Praetor thing, they needed someone young and unobjectionable, with political connections. Luckily for me, I had all three—although perhaps the second is more a talent for appearances then anything else."

It was a weak joke, but Yuna smiled. Baralai looked suddenly to a clock on the fireplace's mantle, standing from his chair, startled. "It's—I'm late," he said, sounding both surprised and slightly distressed. "I had an appointment fifteen minutes ago!"

Something about this struck Yuna as funny, and she bit her lip to keep from laughing, standing as well and letting the book close all the way, place unmarked. She threw it in the seat of her chair. "I guess we lost track of time," Yuna said.

"I… yes," Baralai said, distracted. "I'm going to be murdered for this," he sighed, pressing a thumb against his temple. "I'm sorry, I really have to go, Lady Yuna."

"That's fine," Yuna replied, on impulse bowing slightly. "It was nice talking to you… or arguing, I guess. I…" she paused slightly, "I had fun."

Baralai looked at her, somewhat surprised… or was that… pleased? "Yes," he said, smiling faintly, "I enjoyed myself as well, My Lady."

"We should do it again sometime—later—" Yuna amended, glancing along with Baralai at the clock.

"I would like that," Baralai said formally, eyes flickering to the clock again. "But—yes, later. Until next time, then," he added, bowing back at Yuna. "I'll look forward to it, Yuna," Baralai said, even as he hurried towards the stairs.

It wasn't until after he had left that Yuna realized it was the first time he hadn't used an honorific.

With an oddly guilty feeling, she also realized that she didn't mind.

* * *

_(to be updated again next SUNDAY. please consider reviewing.)  
_


	4. via recessus

_(okay, so i lied about updating on sunday... what, are you going to complain? thanks to my darling reviewers... the real lie would be that i'm not updating sooner thanks to you!)  
_

_

* * *

Seasons came, seasons went_

_The winter stripped the blossoms bare_

_A different tree now lines the streets_

_Shaking its fists in the air_

_The winter slammed us like a fist_

_The windows rattling in the gales_

_To which she drew the curtains_

_Made out of her wedding veil…_

— _People Ain't No Good – Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

* * *

_

That night, Yuna dreamt. She wasn't normally the type to remember her dreams, not more then a vague feeling upon waking up, but this one was vivid. When she woke, she was tangled in her blankets, huddled around her pillow, slick with sweat.

He had been in the dream—he, or Shuyin? Yuna wasn't even sure, and in the dream it hadn't mattered. She was in the Farplane again, pyreflies spinning about, the cloyingly sweet scent of myrtle in the air. Bad omens. But she was wearing her Summoner's dress, and he had crept from the wet fog, fast and animalistic, smeared with dirt and blood. _I've finally found you_, he said, and took her into his arms.

He was slick with blood under his clothing, smears rubbing off onto the white of Yuna's robes, his fingers pinching at her shoulders. _It's been so long,_ he said. The blood is actually water, or are they under water? Two minutes and forty-one seconds, that's the Eternal Calm. Two minutes and

_Well, I think he's kinda cute,_ Rikku says, grinning at Paine's incredulous look.

_It's all an act,_ Paine warns, _no one is that nice._

…two minutes, and… _Open your eyes! _Nooj yells, and it wasn't him—it was Shuyin—no, it wasn't Shuyin either, it was…

forty-one seconds. She pulls herself from his grasp, his fingers scratching dead skin from her shoulders, and she turns around and opens her eyes. She is on the airship, staring out at the Farplane, the hum of the engines beneath her feet, the stars falling from the sky.

_I'm sorry_, he says, _I couldn't show you Zanarkand._

"We'll see you again," she says, or had that been Rikku? "I love you."

_Until we meet again, My Lady, _Seymour replies.

From his chair, Baralai talks about the Guado. Paine lifts the sphere over her head, the images playing faintly—_you're the only one I could trust, the only one I could turn to_, Baralai says to Seymour. _I'm fond of the Guado._

_Never forget them, _Rikku says, speaking to the crowds, eyes large, face small. _Just because they're memories that have faded away, never forget them._

"I love you," Yuna says, looking out on the Farplane, "a lot of people in Spira depend on us."

He hugs her, a cold breath against her arms and shoulders, uncomfortable but she doesn't flinch. _I learned to practice smiling when I'm sad_, he says. _You probably shouldn't laugh anymore._

_Memories are just memories, _Paine snaps, drawing her sword against Bahamut, _they're nice, but that's all they are! _

He runs off the airship, falling into the clouds below, and they are silent until the door slides open and Cid marches out—_ya did it, girl—where'd the loud one go?_

"Everyone has lost someone," Yuna tells the crowd at Luca, and smiles.

* * *

Yuna stayed far from the main library and the temple that day. She wandered the lower city instead, the shopping district, telling herself she was looking for gifts for Rikku and Paine, that she wasn't actually trying to avoid Baralai. It had only been a dream, after all... that was no reason to avoid a friend! And that was what they were now, Yuna had decided: friends. There was nothing wrong with that…

But…

She was almost twenty! Yuna frowned through a display case at a pair of dangly, beaded blue earrings. Wasn't that too old for this sort of wishy-washy behavior? There was nothing wrong with having friends—Yuna had plenty of them! And there was nothing wrong with male friends, either… there was Wakka, and Kimahri… and Dachi, Aniki, Shinra… they were all men, although Shinra was still young. So why was Baralai different?

He shouldn't be. It was true that he was different from the others in personality—quieter, except for in the case of Kimahri—probably the smartest when it came to books, less outgoing to be sure… but why did that make a difference? Because he was good-looking? Yuna frowned deeper, scaring away a clerk that had been hovering at her shoulder, meaning to ask if she wanted to buy the earrings. Well—he wasn't her type! Yuna knew Rikku thought he was cute—and she wasn't denying there was a certain… aesthetically pleasing element to him, but it wasn't like she _swooned_ around him, or got all giggly the way Rikku did when around Gippal…

I never got giggly around _him_, either, Yuna thought idly, and was struck with such a terribly guilty feeling that her stomach seemed to fall out from her body. Her breath seemed to vanish inside her, falling into the space her stomach usually occupied. Yuna swallowed thickly.

There _wasn't_ anything—she _didn't_ like him, not like _that_! She couldn't! He was the Praetor—and a friend of Paine's—and Yevon—and Yuna couldn't just start _dating_, even if he was interested… which he wasn't, of course not. And even if he was interested, it wouldn't matter—Yuna could never, _ever_ betray the memory of—she'd never be disloyal to him, ever. Not that she was interested in Baralai, anyway—the idea was ridiculous. "I'd like to buy these, please," Yuna said suddenly, pointing at the earrings. They'd make a nice gift for Rikku.

All the same, Yuna avoided Baralai for the rest of the day.

* * *

The next day was cool and cloudy, foggy in the morning and, while sunny in the afternoon, the sun seemed weaker then it should. Autumn was coming. Yuna pulled on a large, knit blue sweater that Paine always said made her look like a Ronso in training over her blouse, switching her shorts for a more practical long skirt. She felt weary, although she didn't remember any of her dreams today. It was a more general weariness—Yuna had almost started to like her stay in Bevelle, but yesterday had snapped her out of that feeling. Baralai had said that the council—New Yevon's leaders—would be meeting tomorrow. And after all, that was why she was here—the New Yevon party. Yuna wished that tomorrow would hurry up and arrive, so that she could get it over with and leave.

Lost in thought, she walked to the temple. Once inside, a child called, "Lady Yuna!", and Yuna looked around—and then down—as a brown and green blur ran towards her, altogether too loud and alive for the Grand Cathedral. Yuna smiled and bent down to the boy.

"Pacce!" she said, delighted. "You've gotten taller!"

The boy-guardian smiled and hopped up and down. "Uh-huh, you bet! Brother says I'm gonna be taller then he is someday, but only if I eat my greens."

"It's true," Yuna advised seriously. Pacce wrinkled his nose. "Where is your brother?" Yuna asked.

"Right here," Isaaru replied, walking up to the pair. By his side was Baralai, who looked more serious then usual. "Lady Yuna—a pleasure," Isaaru added, smiling.

"And to you the same," Yuna said, glancing at Baralai and smiling at Isaaru. "It's been too long, Isaaru." She liked him—they and Dona had a common bond, despite differences, since they had all been Summoners at the same time.

"Indeed it has," Isaaru replied, "especially as I've heard from the Praetor that you've been in Bevelle for nearly a week. Had I known I would had sought you out sooner."

"Well, that's okay," Yuna said, "I didn't know you were here, either. Given up on Zanarkand?" she asked, hoping her tone could be taken for polite interest.

Isaaru gave her a knowing look. "I've chosen to lend what small influence I can here, in Bevelle. There are too many monkeys in Zanarkand besides. I do wonder where they came from?" he asked, a teasing smile flickering on his face.

Yuna feigned innocence. "I really wouldn't know!"

"Hey, Lady Yuna, do you know any secret passages around here?" Pacce said, apparently finding this a good point to ask about such things, "me and the other Kinderguardians, we're hunting for 'em."

"Kinderguardians and I," Isaaru corrected wearily. Pacce ignored him, gazing up at Yuna with hope and excitement shining in his eyes.

"Um," Yuna said, resisting the urge to glance at Baralai, "I wouldn't know. I don't live here, so…"

"There's a really good one behind the statue of High Summoner Gandolf," Baralai said seriously. The three of them turned to look at him, Yuna despite herself. "There's an engraving in the center of the base. Press the center of the crest," he advised, serious as always.

Pacce's eyes widened, "Wow, really? Awesome!" without a further word, the boy turned and raced off in the direction of the statues.

"How many secret passages do you know of?" Yuna asked, unable to help it.

Baralai seemed to be fighting a grin. "There's another one leading to the dungeons off in the priest's quarters…"

Yuna grinned at him, forgetting her discomfort. He smiled back.

Isaaru seemed amused, but hid it better. "Really, Praetor, I don't think it's all together appropriate for you to encourage him like that."

"Oh, it won't do any harm," Baralai said dismissively. "It only leads outside."

Isaaru shook his head. "Even so," he said, shaking his head. "Well, I suppose I'd better chase after Pacce, before he causes some mischief. I'll see you later, Praetor—and Lady Yuna, it's been a pleasure."

"I hope to see you again soon," Yuna said, smiling even though her heart disagreed with the idea of being alone with Baralai—she still wasn't sure where she stood with him, where she wanted to stand with him, and tried to convince herself that her heart was beating quickly from nervousness. It wasn't exactly a lie, either.

"Yuna," Baralai said, once Isaaru was gone, "are you feeling well?"

"Uh—yes," Yuna said, not certain how to politely request he stop calling her by only her name, so informally.

"I looked for you yesterday," Baralai explained, "but couldn't find you."

"Oh," Yuna said quickly, "Um, well. I went to the city—I thought I'd buy something for Rikku and Paine… I found a really nice necklace for Paine, silver with a little charm on it, do you think she'll like it?"

"I'm sure she would," Baralai said slowly. "Yuna… you're acting oddly."

"Really?" Yuna said, laughing slightly. "Sorry, I didn't know." She did know, and hated herself for it.

"Is something the matter?" he asked, "You may be frank if you need."

Yuna stared at him for a moment, a little taken aback. Distantly she realized how much taller Baralai was then her—_he_ had only been a few inches, but… this wasn't the way to think. "I…" Yuna took a deep breath. "I must admit, I'm not entirely comfortable with all of this. With you… with us, being friends… I know it's silly, but…"

"I see," Baralai said after a moment, and Yuna noticed suddenly that the mask was back up, the layer of formality that she hadn't even noticed until this moment had been missing. She wondered if perhaps his feelings were hurt. "Lady Yuna, it's really nothing to worry about. If our talking makes you uncomfortable, then of course we should desist."

"I'm sorry," Yuna said quietly.

Baralai looked at her, and for just a moment their eyes met. She looked away first. "It's fine, really," Baralai said, then smiled thinly, "if we are being frank, I really do have work I ought to be doing, anyway."

"Oh," Yuna replied, feeling suddenly awkward. "Like what?" she asked, a desperate attempt to make conversation.

"One of my sisters is in Bevelle, and I'm afraid I have certain obligations to her," Baralai said dryly, "strictly speaking, I was on my way to have lunch with her and her husband."

"That sounds nice," Yuna said, then remembered that he didn't like his family. "Um."

"Lady Yuna," Baralai said, smiling thinly at her, "if there is no further business between us, I think I ought to be going. I suppose I'll see you at the council tomorrow? I'll send a messenger to escort you."

"Yes, of course," Yuna said, feeling guilty for a reason she didn't want to place. "Thank you."

"I'll see you tomorrow, then," Baralai replied, inclining his head deeply before walking towards the temple doors in the direction of the Highbridge. Yuna watched him go.

* * *

_(next update probably around wendsday. please consider reviewing.)_


	5. via ingressus

* * *

"Is there any other business?" Chairman Mabor asked, standing from the head of the table and scanning the room with sharp blue eyes. Sharp, Yuna thought—that was a good word for him. Everything about him seemed pointed, somehow. The Chairman was about sixty years old, with the appearance of one that had once been very handsome, but for time and a hard life. His hair was steel gray, his features strong and angular, cheekbones high—he wasn't wrinkled, but for his eyebrows and mouth, as if he hadn't the patience for such things. 

"There is the matter of the Youth League," Baralai said, glancing across the table at Yuna only for a second, disinterested in anything other then making certain she was still listening. He seemed annoyed, Yuna thought, and she was starting to worry that she was the cause.

"Yes," Mabor replied dryly, "I suppose there must be."

The council was both larger and smaller then Yuna had expected. She had been balancing two separate images of the New Yevon party that lead to the conflicting expectations—she had figured on a council of either ten or so men, or a group well over fifty. Instead, there were twenty, one Ronso, and two Guado, and all but three were men. Isaaru was here, too, although he hadn't been able to do more then greet Yuna briefly before the meeting had begun. The meeting was in a large dining room, empty but for a long, wide wooden table, high windows letting in dusty light. Mabor sat at the head, Baralai to his right, and the spot to the Chairman's left had generously been giving to Yuna for the occasion.

One of the women halfway down the table stood from her chair, dark fingers flashing with rings. She was tall and beautiful, with long silvery-white hair piled on top of her head, sharp chinned and dark eyed—Yuna had noticed her upon first entering the room, nearly two hours ago, and had Baralai not been ignoring her, Yuna would have asked him if she was one of his sisters—the resemblance was striking. She cleared her throat importantly, glancing around the table, before speaking. "I fail to see the importance of this subject, My Lord—Praetor. Who cares what the former Youth League thinks? When did their opinions begin to matter? They attempted to attack us, and now demand that we disband?"

Murmurs of agreement rang out around the table. Baralai's expression was carefully maintained—his posture was bored, but his eyes sharp. Yuna half expected him to speak, but he said nothing.

"We never asked them to disband, we never said they had to," a young man with short, dark hair and pale skin said, slamming his open palm on the tabletop, "sure, I ain't complaining about it, but it was their choice—they've no right to try and make us follow their example!"

"That's exactly right!" an older man replied, nodding.

"So we don't disband," Baralai said calmly, sleepily almost—for some reason, Yuna was suddenly reminded of something some of the elderly on Besaid liked to say—'Calm waters hide rocks.' Just because it looked calm and pretty, didn't mean you should just dive into it. "I spoke with the Machina Faction's leader just last week, and he suggested that we all just start calling ourselves Maesters. And why not?" Baralai asked mildly, "we're almost there already."

"Well, the _Al Bhed_," an elderly man grumbled.

"Oh, hush—" the woman with silver hair said impatiently—and rudely. "Baralai, you're being ridiculous. None of us want to repeat the Maester's mistakes. We may have the name Yevon, but we are nothing like them."

"Give us a year or two," a man—hardly more then a boy, he couldn't be older then Rikku—shouted up the table. Baralai glanced down at him briefly, looking almost annoyed—but it was a fast thing, something Yuna only noticed because she was staring right at him, sitting directly across from him.

He looked at her and, to Yuna's surprise, smiled. "High Summoner," Baralai said, at last standing from his chair, bowing his head to her, "I must thank you again for consenting to join us here, in New Yevon."

"It's no problem," Yuna said automatically, as most of the other members of the council murmured their thanks as well. So, she thought, it's finally time for me to work. But what was she supposed to do exactly? For all of her supposed mental preparations (that Yuna had to now admit hadn't been very focused or, well, prepared), Yuna was struck suddenly, and violently, by a wave of nervousness.

"May I be so bold as to ask your opinion on this subject, My Lady?" Baralai asked mildly. "Do you believe that New Yevon should disband?"

"Um," Yuna said from her seat. She hastily stood up, following Baralai's lead. "Well, yeah. I mean, maybe. It would be fair, wouldn't it?" she felt like a student reciting a lesson to her teacher, and Baralai's utterly blank expression wasn't helping. Yuna tried not to stammer. "The Youth League disbanded because they were worried that Spira would dissolve into war—and it almost did. They disbanded for the sake of Spira's peace, and even though they still—exist, in Kilika, well, they aren't trying to run things, just help out, right? And they say just that a lot, that they aren't a political group, that they just want to help protect the villages… and then for New Yevon to stick around, it seems suspicious," Yuna said, not entirely sure if her words made sense.

Was it the correct answer? Baralai didn't react. It was the woman, the one Yuna had wondered about, that answered for him. "Spira needs some sort of rulers, who is to stop a dictator from jumping in our place? New Yevon must remain in power as a blockade _against_ such things."

"So it's 'rule or be ruled?'" Yuna asked, looking down the table at the woman.

"Maybe not," Mabor interrupted, "but do you have any other suggestions, My Lady?"

"No," Yuna admitted, sitting back down in defeat. "It's just an endless cycle, isn't it? Just another spiral. There's no way everyone will ever be happy with one solution, and so there will always be another power trying to gain popularity, take control. But if New Yevon _doesn't_ disband, the Youth League—and the Al Bhed—will likely join forces to make you disband, and that will be messy, to say the least. Spira doesn't want conflict. Spira wants to move together—but no faction is content to let the other lead."

"The Al Bhed don't want Yevon in power," Baralai said, sitting as well. "Yevon doesn't want the Youth League in charge. The Youth League would rather ignore the Ronso, and the Ronso dislike the Guado—who dislike the Al Bhed. It's far more then just the three factions. Even different cities have opinions on this."

"It seems as though the only person _everyone_ likes is the High Summoner," one of the Guado remarked.

Yuna blushed. "Well, I'm flattered, but—" she frowned. "If that's the case," she said, looking up at Baralai and rather abruptly changing the subject, "then why isn't there just a party with all factions and races representing?"

"Who would lead it? Who would set it up?" Chairman Mabor replied, "Who would convince the various leaders of Spira to join it? Elder Kimahri of the Ronso—Lord Tromell Guado—_maytan _Cid of the Al Bhed—the Meyvn of the Youth League, the Praetor and myself for Yevon…"

"This isn't something we haven't talked about before," a man shouted up the table, "High Summoner, we aren't _complete_ tyrants here."

"Well—what's wrong with the idea?" Yuna asked, "I think it's a good one!"

"It's a little blindly optimistic, isn't it?" an elderly woman asked, pursing her lips.

"What's wrong with that?" Baralai asked, looking pleased.

"Nothing," Yuna said firmly, smiling at him. "I think that most people—even in the other factions—would like this idea, too. I really do! Everyone in Spira wants a solution, and everyone wants to be heard."

"There is the matter of representation. Who would have more power, who would have less?" Baralai asked, looking at Yuna like it was just a casual conversation between the two of them, not the middle of a meeting between all of Yevon's hotshots. "How could we insure that such a council would represent everyone fairly?"

"Well—" Yuna said, "with people. I'm sure everyone here has a purpose—it's not just a few randomly chosen members of the party, or people stopping by for the fun of it, right? So why not that on a larger scale—why not just invite one or two people from each major city—or region, in places like the Moonflow—they could be chosen by the people to represent their areas. And, oh, people like Cid—and the Praetor—or whoever—they could be… super representatives. Or something," Yuna said quickly, realizing that it sounded a little stupid to say. "Well, I don't really know—but it's possible, I know that! I think we could easily hammer out the details if we tried."

Chairman Mabor smiled down at her. "Your optimism is refreshing, High Summoner."

"So why not give it a try?" Baralai asked. "Why not be optimistic?"

"Oh, please, Baralai," the woman said, amused, "you've _always_ been a pessimist. And if you won't be, then I will. Assuming you tried this—thing—how on earth could you get the Al Bhed, Ronso, and everyone to agree to try it to start with? They'd laugh in our face! Call it 'another of Yevon's tricks!'"

"How could we convince Cid and the Ronso?" Baralai echoed, smiling slightly as if in on a joke. Well, Yuna was in on it, too. With all seriousness, she turned and smiled at the woman.

"Considering that Cid is my uncle—and the Ronso elder my former Guardian—"

"Lord Tromell might do as I asked, if I was polite about it," Baralai said, "and Nooj owes me several favors."

"Summoner Dona of Kilika would listen to me—if I was _really_ nice about it—and I _know_ I could get Besaid village to co-operate. I assume that Bevelle is automatically in on it—"

"The Machina Faction in Djose would happily comply with any requests made," Baralai added. "Anyone we do not know personally could very easily be persuaded by Lady Yuna, I think."

"All right!" the woman said, throwing up her hands in exasperation, "you two are _exceptionally_ well connected, I understand!"

Mabor seemed more amused then annoyed and, to Yuna's relief, most of the rest of the council seemed interested rather then doubtful of the suggested plan. Was this Baralai's intention all along?

"And what about New Yevon?" a man asked. "This just seems like a fancy way of suggesting disbanding."

"Yet this way," Baralai replied, "we'd still have power and influence—and we would not be alienating the rest of Spira."

"So what, we send out invitations? 'Dear so-and-so, please come to our tea party?'"

"Perhaps not _tea_," Baralai said seriously, so that Yuna couldn't tell for sure if he was joking or not. "But the rest seems reasonable."

"It seems that the Praetor and My Lady Summoner have solutions to all our complaints and fears," Mabor said mildly. "Shall we put this matter to a vote, before this drags further into the evening? All in favor of attempting Lady Yuna's plan of action, raise your right hand."

Was it more then half? Yuna smiled—it was almost three-fourths!

"Opposed, please raise your left hands." Seven people raised their hands—including Baralai's maybe-sister. "Very well," Chairman Mabor said, "then let us adjourn for the evening. Zassa, Wedlan, please remain behind for a few moments. Praetor, you as well. Everyone else is dismissed."

Baralai, one of the Guado, and a middle aged man remained sitting, but everyone else stood in a rush of scraping chairs. Yuna hesitated, but Baralai nodded his head pointedly at the door. She bowed low to the Chairman and ducked out after the council.

The business of disbanding the party had only taken the last half hour of the meeting—council had been in session since early afternoon. Yuna was suddenly weary, noticing the light out the stained glass windows lining the halls was growing dim. She stretched her arms above her head stiffly, trying to get her bearings so that she could head to dinner—or should she wait for Baralai? Yuna didn't know if she wanted to—but—it was just so confusing! She didn't want to be friends with him, not more then just a casual acquaintance, but Yuna seemed to _forget_ all that too quickly… it wasn't like she didn't like him, she just didn't want to start to like him _more_… but how could you keep from that?

The flares of guilt in her stomach were starting to feel almost normal. Yuna sighed heavily.

"My, my! I hope that isn't thanks to me," the woman from before said, sidling up to Yuna. She was even more beautiful up close, a few inches taller then Yuna with an attractive figure. Her dress was green and patterned like a member of the clergy's, but it fit her form nicely, showing off her almost boyish figure—but it suited her. "I believe we haven't yet been formally introduced," the woman added, brushing back a loose strand of silver-white hair. "I am Ophela. It is truly my honor to make your acquaintance, My Lady. Especially under the circumstances."

"What circumstances?" Yuna asked. Despite Ophela's beauty, there was something about her Yuna didn't like. Hadn't she just been disagreeing with everything Yuna said?

"Well," Ophela said, taking Yuna's arm in hers and smiling conspiringly as she led them down the hall towards the dining room, "I _hear_ that you and my darling younger brother are quite close. Not to sound, ah, blindly optimistic, but I feel that it may well be a good time to further our relationship in hope of the future!"

"What?" Yuna cried, stepping backwards, snatching her arm away from the older woman's. "That's not true at all!" she added, blushing.

"Is that so?" Ophela asked, sounding more amused then anything. "Well, I know little Baralai's _quite_ taken with you."

"And how would you know that?" Yuna said, blushing and struggling to keep her voice down. "Really, I'm offended by your instigations, as I'm sure Ba—the Praetor must be as well!"

"My Lady, I _am_ his elder sister," Ophela said lightly. "You may feel nothing for the boy, deservedly so, even, but he…"

"Doesn't like you well enough to confide in," Yuna said, annoyed by several things at once.

Ophela smiled thoughtfully. "Forgive me for assumptions, then," she said, and then carefully took Yuna's arm, leading her back in the direction of the dining room. "Forgive a sister for hoping for the best for her brother—I do not know if Baralai has told you, but our parents have passed, as with our brother and two of our sisters."

"I'm sorry," Yuna said automatically.

"Yes, it was terrible," Ophela said, sighing. "Our elder brother, Mathue, was killed in a fight with Sin—he was a Captain of the Warrior Monks, you know. Poor Ellarose died when we were still children… our father grew ill a few years back, and mother was lost when her ship was attacked, shortly before your Calm—our last sister has estranged herself from our family, living in _Luca_ of all places. So you see, I try to take care of Baralai," Ophela said, with a heavy sort of grace, "Since we're all we have."

"What about the other sister?" Yuna asked. "Alennia?"

Ophela glanced down at Yuna, mouth thin, "Well," she said, "Alennia was never really part of the family. She ran away to Guadosalam, despite our mother's wishes! When she took Baralai with her, I worried he'd follow _her_ footsteps. She was a poor influence. I'm glad that when she passed, Baralai came to his senses."

Yuna frowned. "He told me that he ran away from home, joining the Crimson Squad."

Ophela laughed. "Ah, well, boys do love to embellish! He may have left home for a little while, but he joined that group on father's suggestion—father was a good friend of Maester Kinoc, I'll have you know. And then Baralai returned, vassal of Maester Seymour! Does that sound like a defiant runaway to you?" Ophela asked condescendingly.

"I think we may be thinking of different men," Yuna said slowly, frowning thoughtfully—although still annoyed, she was finding this all very interesting.

"You just need to know who to trust," Ophela advised. "Anyway. I _was_ worried Baralai would do something silly—Alennia was a bad seed, so to speak, and under _her_ influence he might very well have run off and joined the Al Bhed, or something equally ridiculous… and then he became Praetor! I was simply delighted, I hadn't known beforehand it was his intention, or of course I would have helped…"

"Of course," Yuna said.

"But really, you mustn't be angry at me!" Ophela said lightly, picking up on Yuna's tone at last. "You must admit that you would be an excellent match—as far as arranged marriages go, it could hardly get better! The Praetor and High Summoner—"

"You want to use me," Yuna said darkly.

Ophela smiled. "Really, Lady Yuna, it wouldn't do to be offended. It isn't as though you've never been engaged—or married—before… And it isn't as though people will stop suggesting marriage to you as time passes, especially since you've now saved us all twice."

"Maybe that's true," Yuna said, pulling her arm away and stopping her walk, "but that doesn't mean I'm going to just agree to marry some—"

"Stranger?" Ophela asked, raising an eyebrow. "I was under the impression that you were friends with him. Lady Yuna, you must admit that eventually, you _will_ need to be married. Isn't it better to marry a man you know you could like?"

"_If _I marry, I'll do it for love!" Yuna snapped. "This is really none of your business!" And although it was immature, Yuna was beyond caring—she turned around and stomped off, back in the direction she had come. Really! It wasn't even that—well, Ophela _was_ terrible, Yuna really was starting to dislike her—and she had been rude—but—_eventually, you will need to be married._ That wasn't true… was it? Yuna turned a corner and leant against the wall, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the cold stone.

She _would_ have to. That was why Ophela was so terrible: because she was right. Yuna was technically of noble birth, thanks to her father, and it was completely unheard of for a woman—especially one of status—to remain unmarried for long. Because in the past, of course, Sin would attack fairly regularly, and the sooner one got to procreation, the better. Even if the idea was outdated now, Yuna doubted that such an old custom would vanish overnight. And the fact that she was High Summoner only served to throw her unmarried status more in the spotlight…

_Why did you have to go?_ Yuna though wildly, despairingly.

"Lady Yuna?" Yuna opened her eyes to see Baralai (of course, a slightly sarcastic part of her added) standing before her, frowning worried. "Are you alright?"

She must look pretty distraught. "I'm… fine," Yuna said slowly, standing upright and brushing her hair back. She felt a sudden wave of annoyance. "I was just talking to your _sister_."

"I see," Baralai said wryly. "Yes, she does have that effect on people."

Yuna laughed so softly and briefly it was nearly a sigh, a little puff of breath. "She suggested that you and I ought to marry," she said carefully, specifically to get a reaction.

Baralai didn't so much as blink. He walked slowly back towards the Dining Room, letting Yuna set the pace. "She's mentioned it to me as well."

"Huh," Yuna said, a little disappointed by his lack of response. Baralai noticed, and smiled.

"This sort of thing is pretty normal for 'Ela. If she were male, she'd be attempting to marry you herself," Baralai said, then considered. "Actually, I think the real obstacle is not one of gender, but that she is already married."

Yuna smiled despite herself. "Did you have a nice meeting? It was short."

"It was," Baralai said, cutting himself off as he turned the corner before Yuna. She followed him, and found him standing still, his back to her. Yuna stepped around him, looking for whatever had halted Baralai's train of thought—and found it, easily enough. Ophela had apparently been waiting for one or both of them, leaning against the wall a little further down the corridor.

"Oh," Yuna said tiredly, "her."

Baralai looked pensive. "Forgive me," he said quietly, so quietly that Yuna turned to face him—'why,' she was going to ask, but the question was answered when he suddenly leant down and kissed her.

* * *

_(To be updated sometime next week, probably, although as Kingdom Hearts II was my birthday present, I might just forget to write completely! Nevertheless, please consider reviewing, and thank you for reading.)  
_


	6. via fama

* * *

Yuna's first kiss had been Seymour Guado, at their wedding. It wasn't something she had exactly concentrated on at the time, and two and a half years later, most of what she remembered of it was vague—a pressure, slight wetness, and a powdery sweet smell as the Maester had leant in. Her second kiss—and third, and fourth, and fifth—they had all been in the water in Macalania Forest, before the trees had begun to wither. Her memories were vague there, too, but for different reasons. Time had crystallized the event. 

It had really been the only time the two of them had done anything like that, because on top of everything else, a Pilgrimage was supposed to move quickly. Once on the airship, once Yuna had stopped thinking she was marching to her death, there had been a little time, but…

She remembered thinking that there was time for _that_ later… but that later had never came, and now he was gone. Forever. After the Calm began, Yuna was proposed to many, many times—strangers of all ages and stations proposed marriage to her, men would ask her on dates constantly, everyone wanting a chance to grow close to the High Summoner. Yuna was grateful that when she had joined the Gullwings, this had stopped—partly because her image was now far less docile, and partly because Rikku and Paine, for all their teasing, were just as protective of Yuna as a set of parents might be. Yuna had seen Rikku tell off a man on occasion, or Paine give a potential suitor a death look… though they never said anything, it was clear that unless Yuna wanted a boyfriend, they'd make sure no man would bother her.

When Baralai kissed her, Yuna couldn't help but wonder, disjointed, what Rikku and Paine would think if they knew. She was too surprised to think, to do anything—Yuna just stood there, hands at her sides, wide eyed. It only lasted a few seconds. Then Yuna slapped him.

* * *

Baralai had mentioned a few days before that the Al Bhed from the Machina faction would be coming to Bevelle for maintenance, something Yuna had completely forgotten until now. But there they were, a group of five Al Bhed, jarring in the middle of the Highbridge in their goggles and tattoos and blondeness.

Yuna had taken off running after slapping Baralai, ending up in an empty room, where she had sat against the wall and tried to collect her thoughts. She was _angry_ above everything else, but hurt, too—she had liked him, really she had, and the shock that he would dare to do something like that… confusion, guilt, betrayal, that was all there, too. As if the day hadn't been busy enough already! Yuna had grown tired, letting her other emotions fade and wash away for later use. She didn't know how long it was before she remembered the Al Bhed, but when she had, she had stood at once to search for them.

She needed to get out of Bevelle.

The team was just about finished, and the person in charge—a strong looking woman Yuna recognized vaguely as a Blitzer free agent—was happy to let Yuna hitch a ride on their airship (really the Fahrenheit, borrowed from Cid) back to Djose. They didn't ask why, or for what reason Yuna was in such a hurry to leave, only if she'd wait a few minutes while they finished up.

The Al Bhed left just after dinner. Yuna skipped the meal, waiting on the airship, and was in Djose by eight.

* * *

By night, Djose Temple was ominous. Electricity crackled like snakes in the darkness, the floating boulders like massive looming clouds. Light shone too brightly from the windows and open doors, causing the shadows to look darker by contrast. And with most of the workers gone home for the day, the digging applicants long gone, the temple was quieter then Yuna had ever seen it. She imagined that she could hear the rocks themselves moving through the air.

Once inside the temple, however, things were better. Lights were on in every corner, blue and bright from electricity. Machines and scrap parts were piled in every corner, resting against the fayth statues, wires strung over the shoulders of the High Summoners like garlands, streaks of grease, muddy tracks and scratches defiling the marble floor. A happy mess.

The group Yuna had tagged along with quickly dispersed, mostly heading down the corridor to the right that lead to the main 'office' area of the Machina Faction—to the left were the rooms, and the former Cloister of Trials was the main workshop, aside from the temple's main room. It was a little busier inside the temple, but not very. Most of the workers lived in the Djose village, about two miles away, and would have gone home by now. Only about forty people actually lived in Djose Temple full-time, including Gippal, and Yuna figured the best way to find Rikku and Paine was to find him.

She felt almost dizzy. Only a few hours ago she had been in Bevelle—talking to the Chairman and the council—being harassed by Ophela—and now she was in Djose, almost the other side of the continent! Yuna hadn't even thought to pack. All her things were still in Bevelle.

"Yuna?" Paine called, having just left the right wing and looking utterly bewildered. "Why—what are _you_ doing here?"

"Paine!" Yuna cried, hurrying over, "I'm glad I found you. I just arrived—"

"I gathered. But…" Paine frowned. "Shouldn't you be in _Bevelle_? What happened?"

"It's… complicated," Yuna said. "Well, maybe not complicated, but…"

Paine looked almost worried, her lips thin. "Let's go find Rikku, okay? You can tell both of us."

"I don't want to worry you," Yuna said, not thinking about the words until after they were out of her mouth. It was true, though—Yuna's mind had been filled with the idea of wanting to see her friends again, to avoid Baralai, and she hadn't realized what effect her sudden appearance might have on them, or what conclusions would be reached.

"Too late for that," Paine said wryly, unsurprisingly. She gestured across the temple, at the left wing that lead to the living quarters, "I _think_ Rikku's there."

"You think?" Yuna echoed. "Did you two fight again?"

"No, she's just been unbearable," Paine said dryly, walking beside Yuna. "Sometime after the birth of their first child, Rikku and Gippal _might_ admit they like each-other, but until that sorry day I'm doing my best to avoid them both."

"Oh," Yuna said, considering. Thoughts of Rikku, of Gippal, of the both of them, flitted through her head too fast to really catch, and she laughed softly. "Isn't it nice, when love is easy?"

"Is it ever?" Paine replied, cynical. "Lately, I've been of the opinion that love is something of a mess. It's nice, of course, but it's just as easy to do without all the muck that comes with it."

"That's a silly way to think," Yuna said.

"'Love is easy,'" Paine replied. "That's never the case. Even _you_ have to admit that, Yuna. Especially you. Love is always complicated, and never simple."

"No," Yuna said stubbornly. "It can be very simple, and more wonderful then you could ever believe." But to her surprise, the usual rush of emotion didn't fill her, the feeling of protection, and obstinate, fierce protection of her emotions, his emotions, him and his memory. This disturbed her more then anything else that had happened today, and she frowned at the air in front of her. Paine mistook Yuna's expression for one of argument, and shook her head.

"It's nice for a while, but something always happens," Paine said. "When you're in love, it's wonderful, but you're so vulnerable. Something happens, and you worry about him as well as yourself. When you fight with a friend your heart doesn't break, but with your lover…" she frowned. "And if you don't fight, something else happens. You or he fall in love with someone else, you grow apart, or Sin comes and—sorry," Paine said quickly.

_Or Sin comes and_… Yuna smiled, twisted, unsure as to why. "You were in love once," Yuna said after a silence.

"Everyone falls in love _once_," Paine said. "You only get to choose the second time."

Paine led Yuna down the corridor and up two flights of stairs as they talked, then down another hall running along what Yuna supposed was the back wall of the temple, windowless and old, with uneven stone walls.

"Was it worth it, in the end?" Paine asked, after a minute or two of silence. Yuna looked over at her, up slightly. Paine was frowning. "You were with him for only a few months, right? And then he died, and you've spent two years getting over it. So could it really have been worth it?"

_Of course_, Yuna almost said, would have said as early as last week, but something was different now. She thought about the question so long, so uncertain, that Paine eventually shook her head. "Never mind," she said. "Don't worry about it, Yuna. It's right in here," she added, pointing to a door at the very end of the hall, a heavy wooden thing someone had taped a handwritten sign to with barely legible Al Bhed scrawled on—_Gippal's Room, go away Nhadala_. Paine didn't bother to knock before opening the door slightly.

"_bid ouin lmudrac uh, lejemewat lusbyho ybbnuylrac_!" Paine called into the room, her voice amused.

"_oui yeh'd dryd, daylr,_" Gippal retorted, coming to the door. "What do you mean, 'put our clothes on?'"

"Well, it _has_ been an hour," Paine said seriously.

"We've already dressed again," Gippal said, his voice just as serious, but he was grinning. From behind him, there was a screech of dismay.

"Gippal! What are you saying?" Rikku yelled, dismayed and embarrassed. Gippal laughed, opening the door further. He noticed Yuna for the first time and blinked at her, surprised. "Lady Yuna?"

"Hello," Yuna said, slightly embarrassed. Gippal looked her over, and then shrugged.

"I guess 'civilized company' _was_ the right word," he said casually. "You shoulda said you were coming, though."

"Yunie!" Rikku yelled, shoving past Gippal and jumping to hug Yuna, her embarrassment forgotten. Yuna almost fell over from her cousin's weight, Rikku's arms clenching around her neck as Rikku kissed Yuna hello on both cheeks. "I've missed you _sooo_ much! Have you been okay? What are you doing here? Was Baralai a meanie after all?"

"I don't think she can answer like that," Paine pointed out, and Rikku immediately let go of Yuna, laughing nervously and stepping backwards.

"Oopsie. You okay, Yunie?" Rikku asked, looking very much like she'd like to hug Yuna again. Instead she twisted a braid around her fingers. "I mean that _generally_, you know? Like, in _every_ sense of the word—physically, mentally, socially, figuratively—"

"Metaphorically?" Gippal suggested.

"That one too!" Rikku agreed. "Well?"

"Why don't we continue the interrogation inside?" Paine suggested, gesturing towards Gippal's room. All agreed to the idea, and Yuna was led in and to a pillow. Gippal's room was more of an apartment, with a main room (round, for some reason) with a low table in the center with pillows serving as chairs. The walls were decorated with blueprints and the two bookshelves were filled instead with more blueprints, spare parts, and three lonely looking books. The floor was stone and scattered about were Machines and parts, so that you had to watch your step when you moved around. Opposite the entry door was an open doorway that Yuna assumed led to the bedroom; to the right was a closed doorway that must be the washroom.

On the table was a dead potted plant, a bag of potato chips, and a Machine surrounded by parts and tools that Rikku and Gippal had been working on before Paine and Yuna arrived. Everything but the dead plant was unceremoniously tossed on the floor by Gippal, before he sat down between Rikku and Paine.

Yuna, sitting opposite Gippal, felt somewhat hemmed in.

"So, to what do we owe this pleasure?" Gippal asked brightly. "What'cha doing here so suddenly?"

Rikku noticed Yuna's reluctance, and smiled brightly at Gippal, shoving him. "This conversation is officially _girls only_," she announced, "so go away."

"You can't kick me out of my own _room_," Gippal pouted. "I wanna hear all the juicy gossip."

"Go away!" Rikku and Paine said at once, glaring at Gippal from both sides. He grinned, putting up his hands in surrender and standing.

"Just call if you need me," he said easily, retreating to the bedroom and closing the door behind him.

"He's probably eavesdropping," Paine said quietly.

Rikku tilted her head to the side, thinking, and then grinned. "That's Gippal's sure stupid, isn't he! And his hair is _so_ retarded looking!" she shouted, turning to the bedroom door. There was no response, and Yuna and Paine stared at her. Rikku blinked. "Well, he's _really_ full of himself…"

"Whatever," Paine said, fighting a smile. "Anyway, Yuna—why _did_ you come?"

"Why didn't you contact us first?" Rikku added.

"Well…" Yuna said slowly. "It's… kind of…"

"Did something happen?" Rikku asked, worried.

"No—well, yes, but…" Yuna trailed off again. She was starting to wonder if she had overreacted… even though it was too late to change things now. But sitting down with her friends beside her, Yuna felt as though she had acted a bit too rashly. They probably thought something bad had happened… but wasn't it bad? Wasn't it bad that Baralai had kissed her so suddenly? Kissed her at all? Yuna clenched her fists in her lap.

"It has to do with Baralai, doesn't it?" Paine said calmly. "He made a move on you, right?"

"What?" Rikku and Yuna exclaimed at once, Rikku incredulous and Yuna blushing. "I—why would you think that?" Yuna added.

"That talk about love earlier," Paine said, "and I really can't think of any other reason you'd run away from anything. If it was a fight, you'd just deal with it, and if it was more serious then that you would have called us and stayed in Bevelle to deal with it. Anyway, Baralai really admires you."

"Really?" Rikku said suspiciously. "But—Yunie wouldn't _do_ anything. Not with him."

"He kissed me," Yuna admitted, blushing, embarrassed at telling and embarrassed at herself. Was she really so easy to read? "Baralai kissed me."

The bedroom door flew open, Gippal having been listening in after all. He was grinning, clearly delighted. "He _kissed_ you? You sure?" he looked like his birthday had come early. "_Baralai_?" He sat back down between Rikku and Paine, practically giggling.

Yuna nodded slowly. Gippal began to laugh. "Little Baralai's all grown up!" he snickered. "Didn't know he had it in him! And," he said, stopping his laughing to look Yuna directly in the eye, "it was a real kiss, right? Not some pansy kiss on the hand or—"

"You aren't helping!" Rikku exclaimed, shoving Gippal. "_I _think this is horrible! How dare a guy like that do anything to Yuna?"

"'A guy like that?'" Paine echoed, eyebrow raised.

"Yevon," Rikku said angrily. "And he knows perfectly well that Yuna already has—"

"He's dead, though," Gippal said, "Right?" That guy—what's his name—"

"Even so! Yuna can't just be with some Yevonite!" Rikku said angrily. "No wonder you left Bevelle, Yunie. It was totally the right thing to do."

Yuna nodded again, feeling better with Rikku's assurances, even if she wasn't exactly sure if she liked Rikku attacking Baralai. She was right, of course… but she didn't have to be so mean about it, did she? If it was Paine, Yuna wouldn't be unnerved, but it was weird seeing Rikku like this.

"So what exactly happened?" Paine asked. "_Why _did he kiss you?"

"'Cause this is Baralai," Gippal pointed out. "He doesn't do anything if he's not sure it'll work, and this kinda obviously didn't."

"I don't know why," Yuna said, blushing down at her lap. "We've become friends, I think, but nothing like _that_—" she quickly recounted most of what had happened in the past week, up until the point that she ran into Baralai after the meeting. "—I mentioned what his sister had said, that we should get married, and Baralai said something like that was what she did normally—" Yuna frowned. "Come to think of it, he never said what he thought about the arrangement."

"Maybe that was why he kissed you?" Rikku wondered.

"I think Baralai's more the type to say it outright," Paine said. "If he wanted to marry Yuna, he'd just out and say it."

"He apologized," Yuna remembered suddenly, a little detail that had slipped her mind in the wake of the events after. "He asked me to forgive him, and then kissed me."

"He _should_ ask for forgiveness," Rikku said loyally.

"So he knew you didn't want to kiss him," Gippal pointed out, bored sounding. "So what happened before he apologized? Something must have given him the idea."

"His sister," Paine said. "Didn't you say she was there?"

"So, he kissed you because his sister was looking," Rikku said, sounding less angry. "He probably woulda explained if you'd stuck around. He doesn't _like_ you at all, not like that, you see?" she seemed relieved.

This wasn't so calming for Yuna. Her eyes widened. "Is that—do you really think so?" she exclaimed, feeling suddenly embarrassed. Rikku was probably right! She'd reacted so strongly—too strongly, too impulsively, and what would Baralai think? Yuna felt terrible. She looked from Paine to Gippal—they knew Baralai better then her.

"Who knows?" Paine said cryptically.

"But he _does_ like you," Gippal said casually. "When he goes up to me and says 'I really admire Lady Yuna,' that's Baralai-language for, 'Please tell me the best way to get her into be—' Ouch!" he added, cutting himself off and glaring at Paine, who had just hit him on the arm.

"Well," Yuna said, embarrassed all the same, "I think I still need to apologize. I was far too rash—I don't know what came over me. I…"

"Need some sleep," Rikku said firmly. "You're gonna stay here for the night, and you can make your apologies tomorrow."

"Oh, sure, just invite her without asking me," Gippal complained idly. Rikku flashed him a grin and he grinned back fondly (Paine rolled her eyes). "She can share with you two, we're short on rooms since the Gullwings crashed here."

"I'll show you the way!" Rikku decided. "It's a little early for bed, but my brother and the others probably want to see you too, Yunie," she said brightly, standing up and grabbing Yuna's hand to pull her up, too, and then out the door. Rikku waved cheekily to Gippal and Paine, and then the cousins were gone.

* * *

"You should contact Baralai," Paine said at last, after several minutes of silence from them both, Gippal's only attempt at making conversation having long since fallen flat.

Gippal was picking up some of the mess on the floor, placing the Machine parts back on the table. He looked over at her; twisting his head too far so that she was no longer in his blind spot. "What? Why?" He turned back to his work. "Not that I really mind, but do you really think we should get involved in this _sordid romance_?"

"I'm worried about Yuna," Paine said, resting her arms on the tabletop, staring into space. Gippal wasn't her favorite confidante, but he was closest to Baralai, and that was more important.

"She can take care of herself, can't she? I mean, she's High Summoner Yuna, ass kicker extraordinaire, right?" Gippal asked vaguely, waving a screwdriver for no reason other then it was in his hand.

"Yuna can fight… she'll win any battle," Paine said thoughtfully, "I don't doubt that. She can help people, and fight for people, and I don't think it's even possible to defeat her in a pinch… but she can't take care of herself as well. She's stuck in the past. She doesn't know how to move on, because she doesn't want to." She looked over to see what Gippal's reaction to that was.

"So you _want_ her to date our Baralai?" Gippal asked, smirking slightly and shoving his mess and tools into a corner, plopping down opposite Paine at the table. He drew the dead plant to him and began to pick at the withered leaves, shredding them idly.

"I don't know about _that_. He's not nice enough," Paine said darkly, sort of wishing she had some way to fidget as well, not quite sure how she was getting into such a serious conversation with _Gippal_ to start with.

"He's not some _terror_, jeez. Everyone has a darker side, it's just that Baralai's always takes ya by surprise, huh?" Gippal laughed softly. "He's so _pretty_ most of the time, so when he gets pissed, it seems scarier. Maybe he'd be good with some bottomless pit of goodness like Lady Yuna, you think?"

Paine hummed softly. "I really don't care. It isn't my business. But I _do_ feel obligated to protect Yuna," she said firmly, flicking at a loose strand of hair, sitting straighter.

"People react like that around her, don't they?" Gippal snorted. "I'm glad I don't see her much. I don't need anyone else to protect. Rik—" he sounded somewhat annoyed— "she's in love with Lady Yuna, or something. She won't even think about seeing anyone herself until Yuna's hitched, just because Rik doesn't trust anyone else to protect the Lady." He ripped a leaf off a stem and began to tear it into tiny pieces, letting them flutter onto the tabletop like dry brown snowflakes.

"Yuna's serious, naïve, sheltered and famous. The first time she ever left home was on her pilgrimage, and she's used to people taking care of her," Paine replied, shifting her weight slightly, tapping her fingers on the table. "So she's not spoiled, but she's not _real_, either." She told herself to stop fidgeting.

"And she has bad luck with boyfriends," Gippal added, grinning lopsided, his eye edgy in a way that meant he was getting bored with the conversation. "Jeez, Painey, you sound like you're in love with her or something."

Paine laughed softly. "Well, maybe I am," she admitted. When she realized what she had said, she scowled and glared over in her friend's direction, ready to deny and clarify—maybe she did love Yuna, but not like _that_, and it was hard _not_ to love her, wasn't it? But instead of a smirk, Paine was greeted with a thoughtful, serious expression.

Gippal grinned softly, adverting his gaze somewhat, stopping his systematic destruction of his plant. "That must be nice, being able to love someone."

"That's a stupid thing to say," Paine said, embarrassed by his words. "It's not like you're incapable."

"I can _screw_," Gippal said bluntly, "I can _flirt_ and _like_, and maybe I could fall in love, but I don't love you, Paine. Or Noojster, or Baralai, or Nhadala. If I had to choose, you guys or me, I'd pick me, no delay. Love's too selfless."

"What if it was Rikku?" Paine said, teasing slightly, slightly uncomfortable.

"Still me," he replied, grinning humorlessly. "We all have our dark sides. At least I don't have airs about mine. I'll try to get a hold of Baralai for you," he added, smiling in a less frightening way. Gippal swept the little leaf fragments into a pile with his hands as he spoke. "What do you want me to tell him? Should I send him Lady Yuna's _love_?"

"Ask him what's going on, and tell him that Yuna's sorry," Paine replied. She didn't want to admit it, but she was glad the subject had changed.

"_You _could do that," he whined, running a hand through his hair.

"I argue with him too much," Paine admitted, leaning back. "You can pry things from him."

"Whereas Painey and Baralai just end up bickering?" Gippal snorted. "That's true. You two are _way_ too much alike—bet'cha you were brothers in a past life."

"Brothers?" Paine asked, standing from the table.

Gippal followed suit. "Well, Baralai only _looks_ girly. On the other hand, you…" he trailed off intentionally, grinning at Paine's facial expression. He escorted her to his door, and cheekily blew her a kiss from the doorway. "Say nighty-night to Lady Yuna for me, and try not to let your _love_ for her get in the way," he called, once Paine was a safe enough distance away that she couldn't, say, run him through with her sword. But he locked his door, just in case.

"Lady Yuna, huh?" he muttered to himself, sweeping the leaf bits into his hand and chuckling as he threw them away. "Man, you really set your sights high, don't you, Baralai?"

* * *

(_this chapter is dedicated to the three cutest Gullwings to ever appear in Kingdom Hearts... and of course to my reviewers! I'm so amazed - and happy! - with the wonderful reviews I've been getting especially as I didn't really expect to get any to start with, haha. thanks also to Cupcake Monster for helping me fix up this chapter and being just plain cool besides next chapter should, with luck, be posted next Wendsday. thank you for reading, and please consider reviewing.)

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	7. via agnitio

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(this chapter is in parts "dedicated" to _Cupcake Monster _and _kj8673_, for awesome feedback, nitpicks, and for inspiring a certain line in this chapter_. _and of course it's also dedicated to my reviewers! oh _wow_, and my reviewers. dunno if i've mentioned, but i was positive this story would be cheerfully ignored by the masses. i don't think the attention high has yet worn off! _

_ just a slight note before the story: being an idiot (?) i tend to refer to Paine as "Paine-sensei" when Gippal addresses her, based on the fact that, well, that's what he calls her. "sensei" can be translated into "doctor" or "teacher" (as well as a few other things). "doctor" is what the english translation of the game uses, aka Dr. P., but "teacher" has always struck me as a slightly more logical translation... ok, so i'm elitist. sue me. :D)  
_

* * *

"So," Gippal said cheerfully, fiddling with the strap of his eye-patch as he sat blinking into the monitor hooked up to the Com-sphere to allow for easier conversation, the sounds of construction buzzing in the background since the Com-sphere was in the main office on the first floor, "what's up with you?" 

It had taken almost half an hour before Gippal had been able to connect to Bevelle, thanks to a failure in the software—the Com-Spheres had, after all, been invented for one-way communication with the Celsius, and while Shinra's modifications had allowed for more universal communication, there were still glitches in the system.

Although it was only Djose, Bikanel and the various Travel Agencies that seemed to ever have problems connecting—'maybe if you didn't keep scraping them for parts' had been Shinra's retort, but Gippal figured it was probably just interference from the other machina, or maybe sabotage from the kid himself.

"Gippal?" Whether Baralai was asking this out of surprise or to get Gippal to stop spacing out didn't really matter.

"Oh, hey," Gippal said, smiling easily. "So, how are you doing? You're so quiet I forgot I was talking to you."

"It's nice to see you, too," Baralai said dryly, his voice slightly tinny over the Com-Sphere. Even though he was smiling, Gippal noticed Baralai looked tired, which was usually the easiest way to tell that he was upset.

"So what's up with you?" he repeated.

"Nothing really," Baralai replied. "I had a meeting earlier this morning, but I actually have the rest of the day off."

"Really, that's weird," Gippal remarked. "When was the last time _you_ got a day off?"

"I applied for one a few days ago," Baralai said, but didn't say more on the subject. "Not that I'm not happy to talk to you, but what brings you to contact me?"

"Man, can't a guy call his best friend sometime? And has anyone ever told you that you sound like you're eighty, by the way?" It was a familiar jab, and Baralai smiled.

"Many times," Baralai said, leaning back in the chair that had been placed before the Bevelle Com-Sphere and closing his eyes.

"Don't act so happy to see me," Gippal said. "Hey, I've been thinking of getting my ears pierced again—" he said abruptly, turning his head so that his ear faced the screen, all three earrings nicely in Baralai's view. "Might impress the girls, don't you think?"

"I suppose," Baralai said neutrally, not sounding all that interested. He didn't bother to open his eyes. Gippal laughed, turning back to face the monitor.

"Hey, maybe you should get your ears pieced," he said, casually like he hadn't decided on this route last night after being asked to call Baralai by Paine.

Baralai opened his eyes, amused. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, totally," Gippal said, smirking triumphantly. "From what Lady Yuna tells me, you could probably use a little edge in that area." The amused look was gone at once, Baralai's eyes darkening dangerously. Gippal couldn't help but grin.

"So she's in Djose," Baralai said at last.

"You bet," Gippal replied, leaning back in his own chair and chuckling. "Baralai, you _player_—Lady Yu told us—me and Rik and Paine-sensei—that you really laid the moves on her! Didn't know you had it in you, man!"

Baralai smiled humorlessly, his eyes black. Gippal grinned back at him, pleased to be on the other side of the Com-Sphere and not in the same room as his friend. This was the best way to get a reaction out of Baralai, but perhaps not the _safest_.

"It's a pity she turned you down, though. Hey, you shoulda called me, I could've given you some pointers," Gippal said, prattling on loudly and trying his best not to notice that Baralai seemed to be attempting to kill him with his eyes.

"Gippal," Baralai snapped. "Is there an actual point to this?"

Gippal stopped grinning at once. "Lady Yuna says she's sorry, and admits she overreacted," he said promptly, seriously, sitting upright again and tapping his fingers on the leg of his pants. "Paine's worried about her, though. The Lady knows she shouldn't have acted like she did, but Paine thinks that you might've hit some sort of _trigger_ or something. Trip wire? I wasn't really listening," Gippal admitted. Over breakfast, Paine had given him a briefing of sorts, but Rikku had been wearing this really nice mini dress and he hadn't really listened to Paine, telling her impatiently that he could handle this on his own.

Baralai adverted his eyes, calmer. "Ah. I see."

"Jeez, you really were worried, weren't you?" Gippal remarked, more serious.

Baralai looked back. "The Lady Yuna is easily the most important person in Spira. She saved us all from Sin, Vegna-Gun… and me from Shuyin. When she vanished so suddenly, yes, I was worried."

"She's saved your ass a lot, huh? If we count this politics thing, too," Gippal said, smirking. "It's kinda _unmanly_. But no wonder you like her so much."

"She's High Summoner. Of course I like her," Baralai replied.

"Yeah, me too I guess, but… do you _like_ her?" Gippal asked, eyebrows raised.

"A foolish question." Annoyance crept back into his voice—annoyance was too light a word. Baralai didn't get annoyed, he got angry. Zero to boiling in three seconds. If he was annoyed he was angry, and if he was angry he wanted you dead. Gippal had teased him a little when he first learned that Baralai's favorite battle cry was 'suffer,' but had quickly stopped after figuring out that Baralai was perfectly sincere in that wish. Suffer. Die. Even knowing now that Nooj had been possessed, Gippal didn't think Baralai had yet forgiven him.

"I don't think so," Gippal said. "Here's what I think. I think that the Lady is _exactly_ the kind of person you'd end up liking, Baralai. Sure! She's cute, no denying that, she can kick anyone's ass, and she's a good little Yevonite deep down. And she's the forgiving sort, which is great for when you inevitably get pissed and try to kill her."

"I wouldn't do that."

"Of course not." Gippal smiled thinly. "Jeez, man, you and I both know you have the worst bloody temper in Spira. Even Nooj was scared that time you tried to kill him, in Bevelle."

"I wouldn't hurt her," Baralai said darkly, glaring daggers at his friend.

"Hey, no point to getting mad at _me_," Gippal pouted, holding up his palms. "Hell, far as Yevonites go you're great, and you know I want only the best for you. Hell, even though you're like a _Maester_ I'd adopt you as my little brother if I could, so don't get offended with me, okay?"

Baralai sat back, silent for a moment. Then the corner of his mouth twitched. "_Little _brother?"

"Sure," Gippal said, grinning. "And once you and Lady Yuna get hitched, she can be my sister. All we'll have to do is marry Paine off to Nhadala or one of your sisters or something, and then we can be one big happy family."

"And Nooj?" Baralai asked, smiling slightly.

"Do you figure Rikku's his type?" Gippal asked thoughtfully, rewarded with a grin from Baralai. His smiles were always so reluctant, controlled, but when he actually grinned it tended to run away from him, sticking on his face awkwardly for near a week. "But you do like her, right?" Gippal asked, after Baralai's expression slid back to serious.

Baralai was quiet for a minute, before nodding fractionally. "But I'm not foolish enough to…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "It's none of your business." Gippal sighed and pouted, but to no avail. They lapsed into silence again.

This time it was Gippal to break it. "So, when you kissed her, it was like a real kiss, right? None of that stupid kiss the hand stuff, right?" He smiled as if he didn't notice the frown was back. "I _asked_ Lady Yuna, but…"

"Should I explain to you my motives, before everything gets completely mangled by your gossiping?" Baralai asked, coolly.

"I don't _care_," Gippal said flatly. "I don't give a crap as to _why_ you kissed the High Summoner, although it is pretty funny. I don't want to hear your story, not matter how riveting it may be. Tell Lady Yuna if she's interested; I ain't."

A corner of Baralai's mouth twitched. "Very well," he said. He paused. "I suppose I have Paine to thank for all this, by the way?"

"What, can't a guy call up his _little brother_?" Gippal retorted, then grinned at Baralai's expression. "Okay, so, maybe our dear Recorder did put me up to it, but I would've ended up calling you anyway."

Baralai made a soft sound that might have been an annoyed snort, turning his head slightly to look past the monitor, his brow furrowed and jaw set. Gippal fidgeted with a loose bit of hair and waited. After several minutes, Baralai's eyes flickered back towards the Com-Sphere. "But… Lady Yuna is alright, correct?"

"She's with Rikku and Paine., merrily painting their toenails or whatever it is girls do when they're alone together. Lesbian sex orgies?" Gippal suggested, leaning forward slightly and grinning. Baralai shot him a rather cool look—but then, Baralai had always had a stick up his ass, more so then Nooj even. He continued more seriously. "Like I said, Paine figures you hit on some deep seeded _thing_ with the Lady, 's all. You probably shouldn't have kissed her in the first place, out of nowhere like she said, but Paine thinks it was like some kinda psychological trigger extending back to the Lady's habit of dating _dead people_."

Baralai looked like he was torn between a sharp retort and wanting to continue the conversation. After a few minutes of silence, Gippal decided to be helpful. "But she's not mad, I think. You just freaked her out. Maybe," he added thoughtfully, "you're just _that_ bad a kisser?"

Baralai hung up.

* * *

"I need to go back to Bevelle," Yuna said firmly, looking up from her lap at Rikku, who was sprawled out on the floor, reading a magazine, and Paine, who was leafing through a book opposite Yuna at the table. Her friends looked over at Yuna, equal expressions of surprise on their faces. 

"I knew it," Rikku sighed, tossing the magazine away and rolling over onto her back, placing her legs and feet up on the table between Yuna and Paine's seats. Paine said nothing, but she did close her book, dog-earing a page to mark her place.

"I need to apologize to Baralai," Yuna said, "and I still have work to do, right? To help convince New Yevon to disband. And also… I left all my things behind…"

Gippal sauntered into the room just then, grinning and scratching his head as he looked at the three of them. "Man, normally a guy'd be happy to have three pretty girls hanging out in his room, but I'm starting to worry you aren't _ever_ going to leave. You know, this temple is pretty big—it has _lots_ of rooms, not just mine."

"I hope we aren't bothering you!" Yuna exclaimed, starting to stand. Paine and Rikku didn't so much as blink, although Rikku did look longingly at her magazine, and Gippal looked so surprised at Yuna's apology that she sat back down at once. She still wasn't very good at telling when he was being serious or not.

"Did you talk to Baralai?" Paine asked, as Gippal flopped himself down opposite Rikku's legs and feet, eying them as if he wasn't sure he wanted them on his table. The dead plant was nearby, and he gave it a considering look before leaning over, shoving Rikku's feet away before resting his chin in the palm of one hand. Rikku tumbled backwards with a squeak, scrambling into a more dignified, upright position.

Yuna looked at Paine, then Gippal. "You spoke…?" Well, she thought, they are his friends. It probably had nothing to do with her—after all, the three of them were old friends, weren't they?

Gippal sighed dramatically. "Well, we talked a little, but he hung up on me."

"You deserved it," Paine said at once.

"Hmm," Gippal said, drumming the fingers of his free hand on the tabletop, "I'm starting to think you don't _like_ me, Paine-sensei. And after we _poured our hearts out_ to one another last night!"

Paine winced at the nickname and ignored the rest. "Did you at least get _anything_ from him?"

"Sure," Gippal replied, turning his head towards Yuna so that, as she was to his right, he could actually see her. "Baralai was pretty worried about you, taking off like that, but I told him that you weren't actually plotting his death for revenge, which probably eased his conscience a little."

"Oh," Yuna said, the word almost sounding like a question.

"Yuna wants to go back to Bevelle," Rikku told Gippal, copying his position but with both palms supporting her chin, fingers framing her jaw.

"It's a good idea," Paine said.

"Yes," Yuna said slowly. "I… I'm still _angry_, you know? But at the same time, I'm not. I want to hear his reasons. I don't know what I'll do after that. I… I thought we were friends, you know?" She frowned slightly. "Maybe we just had different ideas."

"Probably," Gippal said, grinning.

"You're _way_ too forgiving, Yunie," Rikku sighed.

"When do you want to go?" Paine asked.

"Um," Yuna said. She sort of wanted to go at once, but she wondered if perhaps that would seem a little too eager. But the more she thought about it, the more confused she seemed to become… Yuna was offended and angry that he had kissed her. But she was also worried that she was making too big a deal out of it—nervous that he might be upset with her—and guilty. Guilty for running, guilty for going to Bevelle, guilty for betraying… but was she really betraying him? Yuna hadn't done anything, so why was she feeling _guilty_?

"The Celsius' upgrades and repairs are scheduled to be done tomorrow," Gippal announced, "and the Fahrenheit is currently being used to ship materials from here to Bikanel; they aren't due back until next week. Nhadala's still working on building her workers an actual town to live in, not just tents."

"Tomorrow it is, then," Paine said. "It'll be nice to get back in the air."

"Looks like 'Home' will be built, like it or not," Rikku said, laughing slightly.

"Nhadala says she refuses to keep moving the camp every time there's a sandstorm," Gippal said, "and that's pretty often. Like it or not, there's gonna be a city there."

"What do you mean?" Yuna asked, slightly distracted. "Isn't it a good thing?"

"I think so," Rikku said, "but a lot of Al Bhed don't want it. They think rebuilding Home would be insulting to everyone who died that day, or they're worried that going back to the desert might make everyone think we're still separatist."

"And a lot of people are still pissed at Cid for blowing it up to start with," Gippal added cheerfully, "and since everyone knows Cid's in favor of rebuilding Home, they're against out of spite."

"That seems stupid," Paine remarked.

"Never underestimate the grudge power of the Al Bhed!" Gippal said brightly.

"Hey, Yunie?" Rikku asked, noticing for the first time that Yuna was completely spaced out again, staring into space with her hands clasped in her lap. She almost looked like she was praying. Rikku reached over and poked her cousin in the arm. "Yunie?"

"Is it normal to feel like this?" Yuna asked vaguely, without thinking. The others stared at her, Paine with slight surprise, Rikku with concern, and Gippal with what was probably suppressed amusement. She blushed and looked down at her lap.

"Depends," Paine said, "on what feeling it is."

Yuna opened her mouth but closed it again before she could speak. _Guilty_, that was the word—that and _sorry_. But why should she feel guilty for having been kissed unwillingly? Why should she feel sorry for leaving Bevelle?

_Because I was worried I might have upset him. Because I was afraid—because I didn't want him to be angry with me. Because I was afraid he would be—_Yuna sucked in a breath, the reverse of a sigh, suddenly tense. "I'm angry," she said aloud. "I'm angry at Baralai. He should never have—" _I was angry when Seymour did it. But when Baralai— _"I'm angry that he was using me," Yuna said. _I don't want him to use me. I don't want to be—used? Or… _"I just thought we were friends," she explained, frowning deeper, squeezing her wrists. _I wanted to be…_

"Yuna," Rikku said, understanding and surprise dawning on her face, "you… like him."

"No," Yuna said at once, looking over at Rikku in alarm. "No, I don't." But Rikku looked almost resigned, almost as upset as Yuna felt. "I can't," Yuna said patiently, but the words sounded weak when spoken aloud, carrying none of the magnitude Yuna wanted them to: _I can't because I love _him_, I can't because I won't betray the memory of _him_, I'll never, I'll never._

"Yuna?" Paine asked. Gippal looked as though he'd rather not be anywhere near this conversation, but he didn't get up. Yuna smiled weakly, laughed weakly.

"Don't look at me like that."

"You looked worried," Paine said. "Scared."

Yuna laughed again, soft like a sigh. "I am." _But I'm not in love with him. Not after a week. Not— _"But I'm okay. I just realized something, that's all. Sorry if I worried you," Yuna said, unclenching her fists.

—_yet.

* * *

_

_ (to be updated next Wendsday, with luck. thanks for reading, and please consider reviewing.)  
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	8. via ira

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* * *

(Please forgive the delay in posting this chapter, the editing process took a good deal longer then I had hoped it would, and I was reluctant to post this chapter without it--I suppose you'll understand why after reading it. __ I had the chapter done on Tuesday, haha, I just couldn't post in until now. Thanks to my reviewers, and thank you very much for bearing with me!)  
_

_

* * *

Hands touch, eyes meet_

_Sudden silence, sudden heat_

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl_

_He could be that boy,_

_But I'm not that girl._

_Don't dream too far_

_Don't lose sight of who you are_

_Don't remember that rush of joy_

_He could be that boy,_

_I'm not that girl._

— _I'm Not That Girl, WICKED

* * *

_

It was raining when they left Djose. Yuna hoped it wasn't an omen… but at the same time, she hoped it was. One part of her wanted nothing more then for Baralai to forgive her, to find out the entire story, to try and forgive him. But the other part of her was still angry, was still mourning _him_—that part of her didn't want to forgive Baralai, and hoped that he would indeed turn her away and refuse to speak to her—wanted an excuse to leave and never come back. That part of her wanted to scream at him.

Which would be best?

Yuna still couldn't really believe—didn't really want to believe—what she had realized yesterday. That she liked Baralai—that she liked him as _more_ then just a friend, even just a little bit more. She sort of wanted to deny it, ignore the feeling until it went away—and she sort of didn't want to.

Earlier that afternoon, when they had been getting ready to leave, Gippal had taken her aside while Rikku and Paine were packing their things. _I don't really want to get too into this_, he had said, _but I think you should be careful, okay? Baralai's great, but he isn't calm, you know? When he gets mad, just make sure to hit him first._

He had been so _serious_, and Yuna had worried. She wanted to ask Paine what Gippal had meant, but something about the question didn't seem… it didn't feel to Yuna like it was the sort of advice that should be repeated too often, or really at all. Besides, Yuna was still trying to keep the others from figuring out that she…

It was such a tiny thing. It was just a tiny little crush. It wasn't worth telling anyone about, even though Yuna was pretty sure Paine and Rikku's guesses weren't too far off. But as far as the Gullwings knew, this trip to Bevelle was only going to be to apologize to Baralai, to find out if Yuna's presence was further required there, and if not to get her things and leave.

"I'll get over it," Yuna told herself firmly, sitting on her bed as she thought. From the galley below she could hear Barkeep and Darling doing dishes, Calli talking quietly to one of the Chocobo. Dachi and Aniki were on the Bridge, of course, and Rikku had earlier mentioned something about investigating the new engine before dragging Paine off in that direction. Everything was so… normal. Even though it had been several days since the Celsius had done any flying, everyone had so quickly fallen back to their normal routines. Everyone but her.

Yuna let herself fall backwards, landing with a soft thump on the bedspread. She stared at the ceiling. Even if, she decided, for some strange reason she started seeing Baralai… if he was interested… even assuming that all fell neatly into place, assuming that it was what Yuna wanted, that it was okay… it wasn't like they could just skip into the sunset, was it? She was the High Summoner—and he was the Praetor—if they were together, then it really would seem to everyone like it was a political match. New Yevon would never have to disband if they had the High Summoner's apparent support. And even on a smaller scale—would Cid approve of Yuna dating the head of the Yevon party? Would her friends? What if it didn't work, what if they fought and broke up (assuming, assuming, we're only imagining here, Yuna told herself). Paine and Gippal were still friends with Baralai; if they started hating each other, they'd still see one another for years to come. And—and who'd want _Ophela_ as a sister-in-law?

Yuna groaned. There was really no reason to get ahead of herself like this—she didn't even know if Baralai _wanted_ to—no. _She_ didn't want to. She couldn't. The memory of blue eyes flashed before her, his mouth wide in a grin as he turned to face her—_so, hey, Yuna! Once we've kicked Sin's ass, I say we throw the biggest damn party Spira's ever seen,_ his hands flying as he spoke, walking backwards until he tripped over a rock, flailing as he fell. Don't you know I can't? She'd almost wanted to tell him herself, sometimes, sometimes so angry. Stop talking about the future as if I'll be there!

But she was there. And he wasn't. Yuna had a new sympathy for the families of Summoners.

"I shouldn't have gotten angry with him," Yuna told the ceiling quietly.

In the end, of course she hadn't told him her fate. In the end it had been Rikku to break to him the news, that there was no way to use the final Aeon without death. In the end, Yuna hadn't told him, because she liked him smiling and talking about the future. No one else would be so tactless.

She lay there, on her back, for a while—how long, Yuna didn't know, but she sensed a fairly long while had passed before she came out of her stupor. Dachi, speaking over the intercom, brought her out of her reverie. They had arrived in Bevelle.

* * *

Yuna found him in the temple, talking to Isaaru. Baralai had his arms crossed, was smiling crooked, eyes closed, leaning back against the low wall separating the tiers dotted with fayth-statues from the rest of the temple. He was laughing quietly. He looked dangerous. 

Paine and Rikku had wanted to come, but Yuna had insisted that she should handle it alone. Paine had been persuaded to leave with the simple fact that an apology wouldn't be as sincere with other people around listening, but Rikku had taken a good deal more convincing before finally agreeing to collect Yuna's things in the meanwhile.

In contrast to Djose, especially Djose, Bevelle's temple loomed. It had none of Djose's garlands, wire ribbons dotted with blue-white electric lights; candy-bright streamers draped about and balled in corners, an attempt to decorate that had been quickly forgotten. The whole place had smelled sharply of metal and sweat, salt and oil and curry.

Bevelle was torch-lit, thick with dust and incense. It smelled like rocks, or something Yuna associated with what rocks should smell like, powder and water, dark tapestries and detailed murals. It was a beautiful place, and Yuna had been raised to love places like these more then anywhere else in the world. She was comfortable here, slightly awed even now, but it was… quiet. A dark thinking place. In Djose Yuna couldn't imagine anyone plotting, conniving, but the temple here made her think of dark corners and the look Seymour had had on his face at their wedding.

The look on Baralai's face now.

Isaaru had noticed Yuna's hovering, a polite distance away, by now, and turned to face her in full, smiling and bowing his head and saying something no doubt polite. Yuna wasn't listening. She'd feel bad about that later; she liked Isaaru, really she did, but Baralai was looking at her now.

There was no rush of butterflies, no shiver in her back, no twist in her stomach. It was not a particularly fond look Baralai gave her, all thoughtful and critical and mean, somehow, like a fisherman preparing to spear his dinner.

"Did I startle you?" Yuna asked, almost surprised at how easily the words came. She stepped hesitantly forward, then more confidently when Isaaru stepped aside slightly to allow her to join them, when Baralai's expression cleared into a more normal polite kindness.

"A little," Baralai admitted. "I hadn't expected you to appear like this."

"I used the stairs," Yuna said, although she hadn't. She wasn't sure why she said it until Baralai frowned at her. Then she remembered they had been his words, how many nights ago? This was starting off terribly.

"Excuse me, Isaaru?" Baralai asked, while Yuna sucked the inside of her cheek and tried to think of a way to effectively start over again, "Could I perhaps speak to Lady Yuna alone? I apologize for cutting our conversation short."

"Not a problem," Isaaru said at once. He smiled at Yuna. "I hope to be able to speak to you myself soon, Lady Yuna."

"And me too," she replied.

Then they were alone. Not alone. They were standing in the middle of the temple's main room, surrounded by the High Summoner statues, Yunalesca and Zaon looking down from the ceilings. Priests and members of the New Yevon party strolled about, talking to each other and bowing to Yuna when they passed her. There had to be at least thirty other people in the temple besides Yuna and Baralai. But she felt like they were alone.

Speak, Yuna told herself. "How are you?" she said.

"Well," Baralai replied, his tone one of polite disinterest. "And you?"

"Oh, fine…" This was terrible. Yuna clasped her hands in front of her to keep from fidgeting. She missed the hymn of the fayth. "Look," she said, after the pause had become too much to bear. "I just… I wanted to tell you, I'm really sorry for overreacting the other day. I shouldn't have just run off like that, left Bevelle. That was rude."

Baralai looked almost surprised for a moment, and then lowered his gaze in a way that made him look somewhat differential, ashamed—demure had been the word that came to Yuna's mind, although she didn't think a man could properly be called such. Then she remembered that it was probably calculated, Baralai's movements, and so suppressed the urge to speak, waiting for him instead.

"I acted too rashly," Baralai said at last, looking back up at Yuna, focusing politely past her instead of looking in her eyes. "I would have explained. I wanted to explain."

"I want to know," Yuna said.

"Hmm," Baralai said, looking around him idly, "Well. My sister, Ophela, is married to Chairman Mabor's eldest son. Do you understand?"

"No," Yuna replied, slightly annoyed by his tone.

"Your suggestion at the meeting two days ago had been made before, several times," Baralai explained patiently, slowly. "By myself, Isaaru, a few other people… it took me a good while to convince Isaaru, who is heavily conservative, that a joint party would be effective, and once he joined me in that opinion, I had hoped that the rest of the party would be able to be persuaded. Especially as Isaaru's opinions are so slow to change." He paused. "I spent so long working at it, I think his brothers thought I was trying to court him."

Yuna had to smile, slightly, at the mental image, before remembering that she was still supposed to be annoyed.

"When I or Isaaru would suggest the idea of contacting the various leaders of Spira, forming a joint party, it was inevitably refused and written off as idle daydreaming," Baralai said, frowning, "at best. At worst, I was being a fool, disloyal to the party."

"Well, you have to admit…"

"I don't have to admit anything," Baralai protested at once. "I didn't become Praetor because it sounded like it might be fun. And," he admitted, "it wasn't solely because of Vegna-Gun, either. I believe in New Yevon. It is my honor to have been chosen as Praetor."

"Even if your time in office hasn't exactly been well spent?" Yuna asked, slightly meanly, thinking of the various things that had gone wrong for New Yevon in the past few months.

To her surprise, Baralai smiled slightly. "Well, in my defense, I was possessed for half of it."

It wasn't really something Yuna was comfortable talking about. She knew and understood now the circumstances behind it all, Nooj's side of the story, Gippal's version of what happened in the Farplane, her own remembering of the events. Baralai had with prodding admitted that he remembered very little of the past few months, Shuyin having taken total control of him the entire time, and Yuna had forgiven him rather quickly for it—how could it be his fault, after all? Baralai had been a puppet, unconscious, for all that time. Nooj had explained, early on, what being possessed felt like: emotions that were not yours, anger without a source, and times—when Shuyin had slipped into power, controlling instead of watching—that all memory and thought had faded, a sudden snip in time. Nooj hadn't often suffered from total control when possessed, he said. Mostly he had acted of his own free will, those two years.

Baralai had been controlled the entire time, Shuyin finally having decided to move forward with his plans.

So no, Yuna didn't blame Baralai for his actions then—that would just be unfair. But to her, Shuyin was still so entangled with her own past, from his looks to his connections with the fayth. To that moment on the Farplane when she heard a whistle. She didn't want to talk about her feelings, about what it had felt like to be in the embrace of someone that she thought was _him_, only for it to be Shuyin, only for it to be Baralai. Not his fault, no. But all the same.

"But at the meeting," Yuna said, trying to get focused on the subject at hand, "there were no protestations. Everyone was pretty interested in the idea, weren't they?" She looked around and walked over to a waist-high wall that separated the fayth statues from the rest of the room, hopping up to sit on the edge. Baralai looked mildly amused by Yuna's casual rule breaking (well, it wasn't like she was sitting in the tiers with the statues, was it?), following her. He remained standing, however, arms crossed before her.

"Only because you were there," Baralai said. "You said you wished to help, correct? You aren't the only one that has offered assistance. But you are the only one they'd listen to. I don't think you really realize, Lady Yuna, but almost anyone in Bevelle, all of Spira, really, would do anything you told them. If right now you declared yourself Grand Maester of Yevon, it would be greeted by applause everywhere, even in the Youth League."

"So you used me to get them to agree with you," Yuna said flatly.

"Wasn't that what you agreed on from the start?" Baralai asked. "I don't mean to offend, My Lady. But we both want New Yevon to disband, and I cannot do it alone. I had thought that you would think of a joint council if given the right prompting, and so I invited you to the meeting to see if you could persuade them. It was almost annoying how quickly they all joined your side. I'd been bringing the idea up for weeks."

"Fine," Yuna said. "Okay. I understand why you did that. And I guess I don't really mind, since I do think it's a good idea. But you still haven't answered my question. After the meeting…"

"The kiss," Baralai said flatly. He didn't sound too emotional one way or another by it, but Yuna suddenly felt like she was about to blush violently. She resisted the urge to draw attention to her face by covering her cheeks with her palms.

"Even with your words, it doesn't actually do anything in the long run. My sister is an, ah, interesting woman, but she isn't a fool. She's been against this idea from the start," Baralai said, "and she will have no hesitations pointing out that you aren't actually part of the council, so we have to vote over again, or something." He looked almost petulant, and Yuna remembered suddenly that he was only a year older then she was. It seemed strange, but he was only twenty, wasn't he? The idea of Baralai being able to be young and annoyed with his older sister hadn't really occurred to Yuna until then, that Baralai was more then just politics and keeping a straight face. "I needed further incentive to convince her that a joint party is a good one."

"By… kissing…" Yuna wished she wasn't so embarrassed. She frowned suddenly, remembering. "Ophela said that you and I ought to marry—"

"It was her idea," Baralai said at once, "but a useful one."

Yuna leapt down from the wall, suddenly frighteningly angry. "What do you mean by that?"

"If my sister believed that you are I were romantically involved, my goals become much easier to achieve," Baralai said, leaning against the low wall, arms crossed and eyes closed in false relaxation. "As she is the Chairman's daughter-in-law. If he supported this idea as well as I, then there's almost no chance that the council could refuse the plan again." He paused. "I did mean to tell you, Lady Yuna. I _am_ sorry I startled you."

"That was the least of it," Yuna said, annoyed. "The very least."

"You came to Bevelle to help, didn't you?" Baralai asked calmly.

"Not—it's just," Yuna said, slowing her words, "it's just—don't you do _anything_ without some ulterior motive?"

Baralai's eyes opened, and he looked startled before frowning. "What sort of a foolish question is that?"

_When we talked in the library… why did you come to see me that day? _"Well?" Yuna asked impatiently, turning her back to him so that he couldn't see her expression, "have you? Have you _ever_ done something motivated selflessly?"

"Of course," Baralai snapped. "For one," he added, when it was clear Yuna was expected elaboration, "I ran away from home for the Crimson Squad, didn't I?" Not really a question.

"You said you did that because you disliked your family," Yuna said coolly, pacing a little, back and forth before Baralai. She had to use her nervous energy somehow, keep from exploding. Why was she so angry? Why was this so terrible to hear? This wasn't how she had wanted it to turn out at all—but—

"You've met Ophela," Baralai said darkly, "would _you_ particularly like to grow up with her?"

"—And then you just turn around and become Praetor," Yuna said shrilly, "right? Because you wanted revenge, or power, or whatever."

"I wanted to find out about Vegna-Gun!"

"And to get revenge on Nooj, right?" Yuna's hands flew before her as she walked, making fluttering motions as if they were trying to flap away, or strangle someone. Ten steps in each direction walking, Baralai as the center. "That's just—ulterior motives again. You didn't do this because you wanted to help someone—because you wanted the world to be better—you befriended Isaaru because you wanted his help, right? Did you also improve Bevelle's relations with the Al Bhed because it would make you look good?" That was slightly out of line, Yuna had to admit. Baralai was certainly not prejudiced. It was too late to turn back now, however.

"No!" Baralai snapped, abandoning his relaxed position (another act, Yuna thought) at last. Yuna turned to face him, and stepped backwards as he walked to her, angry. His fists were clenched at his sides, his eyes were black, and there was something scary about him—something—_he's not calm_, that was what Gippal had said. He's not. He's—

"You have no right—and no idea—what anything I do is or means," Baralai snapped, looming over Yuna. He looked like he was restraining the urge to do something dark, to hit her, and he looked like it was a struggle. "Do you understand me? You know nothing about me. Nothing. You know _nothing_, and you understand _nothing_. You're just some girl from a _speck_ of an island, who probably can't even get _dressed_ in the morning without help! Stop acting as if you know anything about—anything! You saved us from Sin, and I'm grateful—" an angry bubble of attempted politeness— "but you have no right to pretend that you have the solutions to everything else! You don't know anything about politics, about _living_, just some _death seeker_ _Summoner_, right?" There was scorn, deep scorn, in that last remark.

_Hit him first_, Gippal had said that, too. _It's all an act_, Paine had once said. _No one is that nice_. Shuyin: _The heart that despairs is the easiest to control. _

_You like him, don't you? _Rikku.

Baralai looked like he wanted to rip Yuna's arms off. Hit him first—lance the boil. Don't let him get worked up. It was too late for that—

_I'm sorry I couldn't show you Zanarkand._

"So do you regret it?" Yuna said aloud, not all that smoothly—the words ripped out from her, loud and harsh. Who was she asking? Who was she talking to anymore? Baralai was caught off guard, startled for just a second. Hit him.

"Why did you do all that, then? Why did you start clinging to the past? When did you start despairing so much?"

He was startled. He hesitated for just a moment. Yuna stepped backwards, then again. It wasn't really a hit, was it? But… it had worked. Maybe just the timing—maybe just her tone—maybe it was something completely different, but Baralai was quiet again. Then, he looked sorry. It was his turn to step backwards, back up against the short wall again.

Yuna was sweating. She swallowed. They said nothing. They avoided each other's eyes. The temple was silent. It was empty now; empty for real, the priests gone at last. Because Yuna and Baralai had been so noisy?

"My sister was a missionary," Baralai said at last, with none of his usual composure. Quickly. Nervously, almost. "She took me to Guadosalam with her. She was a friend of Maester Jyscal. Through her, I met him. Seymour." He paused. Yuna had known this already, from that sphere Tromell had given the Gullwings, but she didn't think Baralai knew she knew. She waited, heart pounding.

"Seymour said to me one day—he said, 'I don't like you. I'll never like you. But I trust you. It isn't because… because you're trustworthy. It's because I know you. I know everything you'll ever do…'" Baralai paused again. "Then… I went… after the Crimson Squad, I went to Guadosalam. I didn't know who else I could turn to. Who else would trust me. Even if it was someone like him, someone I hated… he said, after I became his vassal and told him the whole story, Lord Seymour said that he wasn't surprised by any of it. That he had known it would happen eventually. 'I trust you,' he said, 'not because I like you, but because,'" Third pause. Yuna wanted to look over at Baralai, but thought it would be rude. Somehow shameful. She focused on his hand instead, half hidden by his sleeve, the fingers moving slightly, curling and uncurling again. "'I trust you because you're just like me.'"

Is that all? Yuna wondered, meanly, then regretted it. She hated Seymour as much as she could hate a person—and… "You aren't anything like Seymour was," she said. But as soon as she did—was that really true? No, but… there was something, wasn't there? Something… wouldn't that hurt more, to hear something like that when there was a little truth to it? "You're nothing alike. Don't tell me," she forced a laugh, a tense giggle, "you were worried about that?"

Baralai didn't smile. Yuna wondered if she had offended him—but part of her hoped she had—and part of her was hurt herself—and part of her, some silly foolish part, wanted to take him by the hands and assure him that everything was okay. Most of Yuna, though, wished she had stayed in Djose.

"Baralai?" she asked quietly.

"Don't speak to me so informally," he said coolly, walking past her and away.

* * *

_(to be updated, with luck, sometime next week. thank you for reading, and please consider reviewing.)  
_


	9. via certus

_Thanks ever so much to _**Sirea the Beautiful Disaster** _for downright amazing beta-reading of this chapter, and for patience with me and my request!_

_ Just a small note before we begin: Angry Girl, last time, mentioned some confusion over terms of formality in her review. Upon thinking about it, I realized that I was extending some assumptions over my audience, one being that they would be familiar with a rather specific note of formality: In some cultures, including Japan, it can be very rude to call someone by their first name with no honorific_—_unless the two people are close, friends or family. It's not a matter of control or higher-then lower-then, just of respect. One might be uncomfortable with being spoken to so informally_—_it isn't even a matter of informality as much as the implication that the two people are close friends. You see? I'm sorry my explanation isn't very coherent. I'm not a teacher. ;_

_ Thanks again to my reviewers and audience_—_I have over **one thousand hits**! This is absolutely amazing, I had never expected that so many people would be interested in this story. I hope you all enjoy this chapter_—_I hope you continue to enjoy this story. Thank you so much!

* * *

_

_...But the things I've seen_

_in those hazy dreams,_

_can't compare to what I'm seeing now._

_Everything's so different_

_that it brings me to my knees..._

_And though I know the world of real emotion has surrounded me, _

_I won't give in to it!_

_ Now, I know, that forward is the only way my heart can go..._

_I hear your voice calling out to me:_

_"You'll never be alone."_

— _real Emotion, Jade (Noriko Matsueda, Takahito Eguchi)  
_

* * *

"So what do you think about it?" Rikku asked suddenly, walking quicker then she really needed to, so that Paine had to walk a little faster then she would have liked to keep in pace. It was annoying, but Paine was more or less used to it. It was only when Rikku was slow that Paine worried; it was like the state of the girl's emotions were directly tied to her quickness and the amount of odd hand gestures per minute. 

"About what?" They were making their way up the Highbridge to fetch Yuna, or not fetch her depending on the circumstances, having arrived in Yuna's rooms (with slight difficulty, her directions not being the clearest) only to realize that without knowing for sure if Yuna was actually leaving Bevelle, it might not actually be wise to retrieve all her things yet. Paine had been too worried about Yuna to disagree with her earlier, and Rikku was if anything worse. They had then decided to head back to the temple via the Highbridge, in order to check on Yuna—and possibly spy on her and Baralai, in Rikku's case.

"Well, y'know, everything," Rikku said. "Everything and stuff."

Paine paused. "I assume you're talking about Yuna." Rikku nodded, hop-skipping forward a pace and shoving her bangs from her eyes. "I'm neutral," Paine said finally.

"Don't say that!" Rikku pointed her finger in Paine's face, wagged it, "Don't say 'I don't care,' or 'it isn't our business.' I mean—" Paine sometimes hypothesized that half the reason Rikku could seem so ditzy was because ever her thoughts were fast, too quickly gone and branched to properly put down with words (if anything, it was good for explaining Rikku's rather fragmented habit of speaking). "I don't really know Baralai at all," Rikku said, wringing her hands. "And Yuna _is_ our business."

"You've known him for a couple of months," Paine replied, slightly amused with Rikku's worrying. "You've seen what he's like."

"He _is_ pretty, I guess, but that's—" Rikku said quickly, agreeing to the wrong word. Paine's look turned skeptical, and Rikku pouted and did a little hop in place. "Well, what are his prospects? And politically this is bad—"

"His _prospects?_" Paine interrupted, amused and incredulous. "When did you become Yuna's father—I mean, why should you care about something like that?" Rikku looked dismayed, and Paine rolled her eyes and tried not to laugh. "He's rich, okay? Geez. _Prospects_?" She snickered.

"Well, also—" Rikku said, valiantly pressing on, "there's all that evil Vegna-Gun stuff, too…"

"He was possessed," Paine pointed out.

Rikku looked torn between annoyance and upset. "And—well, he kinda seems like he's kinda a—kinda a jerk, you know?"

Rikku stopped short, staring at Paine for an opinion, but Paine kept walking, deciding to stay out of this debate from here on out. Rikku sprinted to catch up. "Can't you see that?"

"He's not evil," Paine said at last. Rikku raised an eyebrow, clearly wanting more then that. "Just a little short tempered, a good liar, and maybe a little too good at appearances. You just have to be careful around him."

"This doesn't exactly inspire trust in me," Rikku said, her voice too dark to be dry. "Do _you_ like him?"

"Yes," Paine said at once. Rikku didn't manage to look skeptical, but she did manage to look distrusting. "He's… Baralai and I used to argue a lot. But I trust him," _mostly_, "and he's certainly sensible. Nooj was the one in charge of them, but Baralai tended to do the actual planning, back in the day. Gippal," Paine added, for Rikku's benefit, "was the only one with any sort of charisma whatsoever, so he ended up being their spokesman."

"Nooj and Baralai have charisma," Rikku said, this time for Paine's benefit. "Nooj is kinda scary, so I'd do something if he told me, and I'd probably go for it if I was one of those fighting types—"

"So says the girl who killed Sin," Paine said dryly.

"_Yunie _did that," Rikku said promptly. "An' Baralai's, like—pretty. You know?" She ran in front of Paine and walked backwards to face her, waving her arms enthusiastically. "He's like—pretty and smiley, so you go 'Okay, I'll do what you want!' Because he's all nice and you think he's neat and then he stabs you while your back is turned and _that's why I don't want him with Yuna_," Rikku said desperately, stopping moving so suddenly that Paine, having been keeping pace, almost walked right into her.

"I mean," Rikku continued, standing completely still but for her fingers, which twitched and wiggled and began to play with one end of her scarf, "I mean, you know? He's just really Yevon, and Yuna shouldn't—she already has a boyfriend, or someone she loves, anyway—and he's not even a good boyfriend, I mean Baralai, he wouldn't be nice at all—what if Yuna gets hurt, huh?"

"So who _do_ you think Yuna should date?" Paine asked, putting her hands on her hips.

Rikku's lip trembled, and she smiled slightly, stepping backwards. "Well, you know, don't you? You know who—"

"He's dead," Paine said impatiently. "Look. I'm not saying Yuna should necessarily date Baralai either, so don't get started on that. But 'she already has a boyfriend' is a pretty dumb way to go about it. It's been what, almost three years now? Yuna needs to move on, and so do _you_."

"He didn't die! Not really! It was the fayth, you know—"

"The fayth are dead, too." Paine tried not to snap. It was always so easy to get angry with Rikku, but in ways she probably got on better with Rikku then with Yuna, even if they fought. Yuna could be so hard to figure out sometimes, was so inexperienced with so many things—cooking, traveling, and dealing with people. Rikku was obnoxious, loud, immature and too active, but Paine could figure her out. And conversely, Rikku was good with people in a way that was almost scary, able to see right through almost anything when she tried, and utterly incapable of holding a grudge—all traits Paine found herself grateful for, and guilty for. It was always Rikku who made amends after they fought, who looked past Paine when she was being unfairly cruel or anti-social. They balanced well, that was it.

Rikku turned her back to Paine abruptly, walking quickly towards the temple with her arms swinging angrily, unbent at her sides with her fists clenched white. Paine hurried to catch up and tugged on one orange tail, pulling hard enough for Rikku to have to stop short again, scowling and rubbing her neck as Paine went around to her front. "You can't honestly think he'll just pop back into existence, can you?" Paine asked. "Even if he never technically died, he never technically _existed_, either. You can't dream if you aren't asleep, and the fayth aren't around to do either."

"But Yuna—" Rikku looked to be on the verge of sniffling tears. "Yunie still thinks he might come back. Because of Shuyin—or—she still loves him, you know?" She scraped her palms over her eyelids suddenly. "And maybe—it's just like false hope, it _is_ false hope, _maybe_, but Yuna really—believes—" Rikku fidgeted, twisting her fingers around each other. "Maybe I don't think—but it's what Yuna thinks that's—" she cut herself off, this time because she saw someone approaching them over Paine's shoulder, her expression at once darkening. Not Yuna, then.

Paine wasn't terribly surprised when she saw it was Baralai walking towards them quickly. She raised her arm slightly to get his attention, calling out to him as he approached, but Baralai ignored it. "Someone's grumpy," Rikku remarked.

Paine looked towards the temple, then back at Baralai as he passed right by them. She turned and caught up with him, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He at once spun around, expression angry. "In case you couldn't tell, Paine, I'm not in the mood for a friendly chat right now."

"I had hardly noticed," Paine said. "And here I was about to invite you to my tea party."

Baralai didn't blink at the sarcasm, but he didn't start walking again, either. Rikku trotted over to them both, hanging by Paine's elbow and looking at Baralai with an expression of utter distrust. It didn't suit her.

"I assume you are looking for the Lady Yuna?" Baralai asked, his tone marginally less angry. Was it the benefit of their friendship that kept Baralai from his normal masked politeness? Paine wasn't sure if she was pleased for it. "I believe she's still in the temple. I wouldn't know."

"So what did Yuna do to get you so angry?"

"Don't you mean, 'what did you do to Yuna?'" Rikku corrected, stepping out from behind Paine's elbow to glare up at Baralai. He glared right back.

"I'm not really in the mood for this," he said finally, adverting his gaze. "Lady Yuna and I argued, alright? I'm angry with her, yes, and I'd rather not stick around."

"Because you know you did wrong?" Rikku asked, her eyes narrowed accusingly.

"Because I don't want to hurt her," Baralai snapped. The answer seemed to surprise Rikku, and she gave him a rather thoughtful look, saying nothing in reply.

"So what happened?" Paine asked patiently.

"I was an idiot," he replied, placing his hands against his sides as if trying to put them in pockets his coat didn't have. "I trusted her on something I shouldn't have."

"Yuna's _very_ trustworthy," Rikku piped.

"_Rikku_," Paine said lowly. Rikku wrinkled her nose at her friend. Paine rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Baralai. "But she's right. I can't imagine something _Yuna_ would disprove of. Unless you're trying to marry her after all?"

Baralai smiled humorlessly. "Gippal's a worse gossip then any girl, isn't he?"

"Well, it's your fault for confiding in him," Paine said sagely. "Now answer the question. What set her off?"

"Seymour," Baralai said, by way of explanation. "I told her of my relation to Lord Seymour." Paine didn't fully understand, but Rikku stepped forward, eyebrows raised.

"You expected Yunie to trust you after hearing that you and Seymour were buddy-buddy?" she said derisively. "_Hello_? He kidnapped her and forced her to _marry_ him!"

"He did?" Paine said, surprised. She had known, of course, the rough details, but in the past versions of the story, Yuna had always been saved _before_ she walked down the aisle.

Rikku winced. "It's kinda a touchy subject? But—" she turned back to Baralai, finger pointed at his face, "Come on! What did you expect? I mean, even _before_ she knew who you really were, she got all freaked out after we saw that sphere—then Yuna decided, oh, we don't have the whole story, _ha ha_, but if you guys really were like, plotting Spira's demise together—"

"What sphere?" Baralai interrupted. "And, I was _not_."

"Tromell," Paine said. "He let us look through Guadosalam's spheres a while back, and we found one with you asking Seymour for… help." She didn't like it, either, honestly, but at least Paine had the benefit of having spent every waking moment watching him (and the others of the team) for several months.

Baralai looked annoyed all over again. He took a deep, heavy breath, closing his eyes. "I needed power," he said finally. "I didn't know I'd end up as Praetor, but I knew that I couldn't just live as a criminal. Lord Seymour offered to erase my records and take me under his wing as a vassal. In exchange, I used what little influence I had in his name. I didn't like him, and he—" Baralai faltered unexpectedly— "didn't like me. It was political, and I was as pleased as you must have been when he died." He indicated Rikku in the last sentence, and she looked only mildly appeased.

"Died again, you mean," Rikku grumbled, having nothing else to say.

"So you just left Yuna alone in the temple?" Paine asked.

Baralai's eyes were dark. "Funnily enough, I had assumed that as High Summoner, she could manage the temple on her own." This was going nowhere. He was pissed, Paine was getting pissed, and Rikku was so busy worrying that she wouldn't be stepping in to calm them down anytime soon.

"It's amazing how you've matured over the years," Paine replied, not really trying to be accurate, just insulting. Baralai glared but Rikku cut them off before the fight escalated any further.

"Okay, that's enough of this," Rikku said as she stepped between them, eyes not quite matching her smile. "As neat as it is to see the battle of the _mind bogglingly sarcastic_, let's cut it out before the _rest_ of the Highbridge starts looking?" It was true: Paine hadn't noticed, but several people were watching, drawn by the sight of the Praetor and two of the Gullwings arguing. Baralai glared at them all and told them off with a cold efficiency, but Rikku's point was still made.

"Painey," Rikku said, "Didn't you just like, ten minutes ago give me the whole 'Baralai is my friend blah blah trust and niceness' speech?"

Baralai looked at her with curiosity, so Paine didn't answer the question. It was her turn to cross her arms.

"And you, Mr. Praetor," Rikku said, the term seeming more like an insult then a sign of respect, "You sure you weren't plotting to destroy the world with Seymour?"

"I told you—" he replied impatiently.

"One word answers!"

"No, I wasn't," Baralai said, glaring at Rikku, who didn't seem to notice.

"And do you like Yunie?" she asked cheerfully, her eyes glinting dangerously still.

"I consider her a friend," he said at last, not really answering the question.

"Okay," Rikku said, nodding. "That's settled! Paine-sensei," Paine decided to never forgive Gippal for letting Rikku pick up that name from him, "you go and find Yuna, 'kay? Make sure that certain religious officials didn't do anything too traumatic to her or anything."

Paine blinked. "Isn't that your job?"

"What?" Rikku looked offended. "So what, you don't care about Yunie enough to check on her yourself! Jeez, Painey-sensei, that's kinda low!" Several things about that sentence annoyed Paine, the nickname included. Rikku put her hands on her hips, exasperated. "Meanwhile, I'll just deal with _this person_ here," she explained. "After all, I am Yuna's closest living relative."

"Besides your brother and father?" Paine couldn't help asking. Rikku cheerfully ignored her, grabbing Baralai by the elbow (he looked confused as much as annoyed) and marching off with him in the direction Baralai had been heading earlier. Paine stayed where she was long enough to hear Rikku's conversation opener ("So, got any nicknames?"), before turning around herself and, snickering, heading to the temple.

* * *

"Nicknames?" Baralai repeated. 

"It's called, getting to know someone," Rikku sighed. "Like, I know Paine, so I call her Painey, or sensei, you see? And Leblanc knows Nooj, so she calls him—"

"I know what a nickname is," Baralai said, exasperated. Rikku cheerfully led him down the Highbridge, until they were near the grand staircase that led down to the main city. There was a steady stream of people here, and Rikku squinted around the crowds.

"So," she admitted, "Last time I came here it was to kidnap you, and the time before that I was thrown in jail, so I really don't know my way around here. Any bakeries nearby?"

"Bakeries?"

"It's a good idea," Rikku said politely, "to win over your future in-laws with pastries before you try and court someone."

"I have no interest in marrying Lady Yuna," Baralai replied, lowering his voice slightly so that the passers-by wouldn't overhear.

"Do _too_," Rikku said. "Fine. We'll conduct the interview right here. How old are you?" She managed to look like she was doing him a favor by interrogating him like this. Baralai was still annoyed from before, from Paine and Yuna, but it was hard to keep it up in front of someone with even more selective listening then Gippal.

He glared at her anyway. "Twenty-one this winter."

"Brothers and sisters?"

"Two elder sisters, the rest deceased. Is there a point to this?"

"Do you like Yuna?" Rikku asked again, stepping towards Baralai with a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Well? Do you?" He didn't step backwards, but looked towards the stairs.

"There's a coffee shop right down there," he said finally, managing to sound utterly exhausted on top of angry. "Come on, then."

"That's okay," Rikku said quietly, not making any moves to follow Baralai. She began to play again with the fringe of her scarf. "I mean… I know I must be pretty annoying…"

"Slightly." That was sarcasm. Baralai almost felt bad after seeing the look on Rikku's face, though. Almost.

"It's just…" Rikku kept fidgeting, her hands crawling up to play with one of her braids. "I want to get to know you better… since you and Yuna might… I can't just decide to hate you, I mean…" she hopped up and down in place, the gesture somehow seeming annoyed rather then ridiculous. "I guess I don't really care, though. I don't care if you have ten billion sisters, or anything. I just… I really liked him, you know? He was… when I was little, I'd spend all my time with my brother and his friends, and they were my friends too, but I'd never had just a me-friend. A Rikku-friend. And he wasn't even Al Bhed, you know? And he—it was so _weird_. He was so _stupid_. And then he really liked _Yuna_, and she liked him back. And I thought, she'll stop her pilgrimage if she falls in love with him, and—and why am I telling _you_ all this?" Rikku laughed. "Like you care."

"It's alright," Baralai said, slightly awkwardly.

"But he's dead now. I know that. He's not going to come back, but that's not even what matters—Yuna thinks he'll come back. Yuna _thought_ he'd come back, but," Rikku turned her attention back to Baralai, glaring at him, "she's different now. She's been different since she came back from Bevelle. I don't know what happened, but suddenly—"

"What are you suggesting?" Baralai said lowly.

"Are you upset or happy?" Rikku asked. "You have to tell me, first. Then I'll tell you the right way to woo my cousin, okay?"

"You act as if you already know," he replied coolly.

"I do," Rikku said casually. "But I kinda wanted to hear you say it." A bluff? She was a thief, after all. Baralai, however, didn't answer one way or another. Rikku resumed her fidgets, and finally broke the silence herself. She hated silence.

"I think Yunie's only just figured it out," she said, "Maybe she hasn't even, yet. _I_ knew the second she forgave you, though. When—that whole thing with Seymour—Yuna hated him. She was a wreck after she got married to him, and—I've never, ever seen her get so angry at a person, or hold a grudge like that. And you kissed her—and it's like, she can't even be bothered to get angry at all! She just—she wants to forgive you," Rikku sighed.

"You give me undue credit," Baralai said slowly.

"I _wish_," Rikku said. "But last week? Yunie hadn't let go yet. She hasn't this week, either," Rikku admitted, "but she's closer, and that's a little…" _scary_. "I mean, what's so special 'bout you?" She stepped closer, this time to look Baralai over critically. Nice face, although a little young—white hair, that was kinda weird, but it looked okay—ugly green coat, but that wasn't new—she frowned. "Nothing, really."

"Thank you," Baralai said dryly.

Rikku spoke over him, stepping backwards and flinging her arms out, practically hitting a monk that was passing a little too closely by. "So why you? Why some stupid—_bnaddo-puo Yevoneda_? Some—you tried to destroy the world, Shuyin possessed you 'cause you were so _evil_, you're the head of _Yevon_, I mean—it's not fair!" With a sort of dismayed alarm, Baralai realized that Rikku's eyes were watery. He stepped backwards anyway, eying the passers-by warily. The remarks themselves were doing plenty to anger him, but the girl looked so upset that he felt like calling her on it might be a little too much like kicking a puppy.

"I don't approve," Rikku said suddenly, turning her attention back to Baralai. "I seriously—" she shook her head. "Maybe he won't come back, probably not, but that doesn't mean I'll just be happy with this arrangement, either. _Clasko_ would be better. My _brother_…" she trailed off. "Do you like Yuna?" Rikku asked again, this time desperately. "Just say something, okay?"

Baralai considered lying, appeasing the girl, but he was still annoyed, still nurturing all the anger the past half hour had thrown at him. "I do," he said. Rikku's shoulders shook, her mouth thin, and she seemed to be gearing up for another rant when—

"Looks like we have good timing," Yuna said, approaching with Paine alongside, her expression worried despite the cheerful tone. Rikku looked like she was either going to punch Baralai or start wailing, and Yuna was glad they had arrived before either. She avoided looking at Baralai. "Rikku, what's wrong?"

"Let's go home," Rikku sighed, upset.

"W-what?" Yuna stammered, slightly taken aback with Rikku's sudden forlornness. "Rikku, what's wrong?" She glanced over at Baralai, frowning, unsure if she should be angry with him or not, but turned her attention back to Rikku almost immediately, placing a comforting hand on her cousin's arm.

"I just don't know what to do," Rikku sighed. "All this subtext is making my head hurt!"

"Subtext?" Paine asked, glancing over at Baralai herself. He managed to look both affronted and confused… but not all that angry, anymore. Paine almost smirked: progress had been made. Maybe it was a good idea to have left Rikku alone with him; Baralai looked too tired to be annoyed anymore.

"Um," Yuna said, looking around anxiously at the passers-by again, a few of whom were walking by a little slower then they needed to as they pretended not to stare, "why don't we all… go somewhere? Somewhere else?"

Baralai paused. "There's a coffee shop," he said, finally, pointing again down the stairs, "close by."

* * *

"So… what was all that about?" Paine asked, considering politely wording it and giving up that idea almost at once. 

Baralai felt distinctly out of place, surrounded by the girls, but said nothing. He had ended up paying for all the drinks, and stared down at his coffee blankly. Rikku licked at the whipped cream that topped her… concoction… but her returning cheer vanished behind a cloud at once. "I just wanted to know something, that's all," she said darkly, leaning in closer to Yuna in their side of the booth.

"And you didn't like what you heard?" Yuna asked. "What did you ask?"

Rikku turned to stare at her at the same time as Paine, with even Baralai glancing up at her briefly. "Wow, you know, sometimes you can be really thick…" Rikku remarked, before sighing heavily. "But I was right," she added, glaring across the booth at Baralai (who didn't seem to care).

"That so?" Paine asked. She was the only one without a drink, having figured that this 'solution' was probably stupider then the actual problem. She loved her friends, but really—they were idiots, every last one of them.

"It's what he said," Rikku said. She looked pensive, upset, and resigned. "So, Yunie, you like him, right?"

"What?" Yuna said at once, embarrassed. She looked over at Baralai, almost unconsciously, and tried to tell herself that she wasn't blushing.

"You do, right?" Rikku said, almost impatiently, not even listening to Yuna. She just wanted to get this over with. "We already know." Yuna's blush deepened. She clasped her hands tightly against her chest, protectively, trying to resist the urge to cover her face. "Well, Baralai here likes you back," Rikku continued dejectedly, pointing at him across the table, "so you should probably get to the skipping-into-the-rainbow stuff now. You can kiss him, if you want."

"You sound like you're at a funeral," Paine pointed out.

"Yunie," Rikku said, ignoring Paine, "he's dead, okay? You know that, right? The fayth aren't going to bring him back. And Baralai's—probably a nice guy," she couldn't quite keep the doubt out of her voice— "So just, don't feel guilty, you know?"

"Rikku…" Yuna couldn't quite find the words, didn't quite know what she wanted to say. Rikku's mouth was thin, and she looked as annoyed as she did sad. She turned slightly in her seat to face Baralai again.

"As for you, be nice to Yunie, or else, got it? Guardians last forever. Now," Rikku said, pivoting slightly to face Paine, "Let's leave these two to their stupid Yevon love, okay?" She stood and grabbed Paine by the wrist in one motion, leaving her drink and trying to tug her in the direction of the door. Paine resisted, looking from Yuna to Baralai, but they both seemed to be saying the same thing with their eyes: Go away, _please_. Paine rolled her eyes and let Rikku drag her away, waving her fingers at the others as a farewell.

Leaving Yuna alone with Baralai. Again. She sighed, deeper then she had meant to. "I guess no one told Rikku that—" that what? Yuna felt like rubbing her eyes. "That we were arguing. That I don't want to marry you. That—"

"That you have no intention of being in any sort of relationship with me?" Baralai suggested. He clarified quickly. "Me, or anyone else."

"This is _so_ confusing!" Yuna said, annoyed. "Before, we… he and I… just sort of—fell together—there wasn't any of this _politics_ or… why can't it be like that this time, huh?" It was the wrong question to demand Baralai answer, Yuna realized at once, flushing brilliantly. "I meant…"

Baralai laughed thinly. "We're just going backwards, aren't we?"

"More then backwards. When we first met, I liked you," Yuna admitted, it being too late now to pretend otherwise. She still blushed, however, and crossed her arms protectively over her.

"And I, you," Baralai replied. Well, that was something. "It's a pity we can't just start over, isn't it?"

"Hmm," Yuna said. "Do—do I need to stay here any longer?" she said suddenly. "That's what I had meant to ask you today," she explained. "I mean—are there any more meetings, or…"

Baralai paused a moment too long before answering. "It is probably best, Lady Yuna, if you were not here. I cannot guarantee you will not be used farther if you stay." He smiled humorously. "In fact, you probably would be. I thank you for your assistance, but I'll manage from here on."

"No… it's… okay," Yuna said slowly. "I mean." She took a deep breath. "I don't mind being used. Not for a greater good. Just… tell me beforehand, you know?" Baralai didn't seem terribly taken with the idea all the same. "Look," Yuna pressed, "let's… let's start over, okay? Like you said. Let's just… forget all this and start over again, okay? I want… I want to be friends." She told herself to move slightly closer to Baralai, leaning a little towards the table, so that her body language matched her words. "I really do."

"One can't just—start over," Baralai protested.

"Why not?" Yuna asked, frowning. "Look." She closed her eyes, counted to five. "It's nice to meet you," Yuna said, feeling slightly foolish as she stuck out her hand over the table. "My name is Yuna."

Baralai blinked at her, caught by surprise, then took her hand and shook it politely. "It's a pleasure, Lady Yuna," he said formally, hiding a slight smile. Relief, that was the name of her feeling. Yuna smiled back at him, for real, in full.

"You don't have to be so polite," she replied, smiling foolishly. "Just Yuna is fine." She didn't let go of his hand.

* * *

_(thank you for reading, and please consider reviewing. the next chapter should, with luck, be up next Wednesday/Thursday. until then!)  
_


	10. via gaudium

_Hello, hello. I know I am a terrible person, all 'I'll update next week!' and other such blatant lies. Not to make too many excuses, but I had some personal problems... and more importantly, complete writer's block. Yuna just didn't want to be written, so it took some death threats on my part to coax her back into this story. :P So, sorry very much for the delay, and thanks for bearing with me.  
_

_Thanks super very much to _**Sirea the Beautiful Disaster******_for continued awesome beta-reading and logic and so forth, because this chapter was basically a pile of mush until she got to helping it. Any further mistakes are completely my fault, not hers. _

* * *

Baralai presented Yuna with tea and sandwiches before sitting next to her on the garden bench. The morning was chilly, and Yuna was glad for the warm drink—Baralai had a coffee for himself, but Yuna had never really liked the bitterness. 

"I guess fall really is coming," she said mournfully, shivering in anticipation of the winter ahead. "Snow's pretty, but it's just too cold."

"You'll have to go back to Besaid, I suppose," Baralai replied, looking out over the garden. It was falling apart in the cold weather that had gripped Bevelle in the past week, bushes browning and flowers drooping, but normally it was the most elaborate of Bevelle's formal gardens, with fountains, roses, and carefully trimmed walkways. It looked more like a picture then the practical, messy gardens Yuna had grown up with, but she liked to sit here and look at it all the same.

Two weeks. It was so hard to believe that it had been that long already. The days had flown by. Baralai called on her now and then for a favor as High Summoner—talk to this person, appear here, and so forth, but now he was always careful to explain why she should do so. But, more then that… they were friends now. And maybe a little more then…

"I'll get used to the weather," Yuna replied. "I don't think I'll leave." She paused. "Un…unless you want me to?" Yuna couldn't help but glance to the side, nervous, wondering if that line was still not wise to cross.

They weren't dating. They couldn't date—not in their positions. The Praetor seeing the High Summoner just screamed of politics, and neither Baralai or Yuna wished to give that sort of image to the rest of Spira, especially since it would also be disadvantageous to Nooj, Gippal, and their groups.

And more then that…

"Naturally, you are more then welcome to stay in Bevelle as long as you wish," Baralai replied evenly. "Of course," he conceded, "I personally do enjoy your company, and would prefer…" He looked for the right word. "If you did not vanish again."

…It was just too hard to read him. Yuna felt so embarrassed for thinking that way. She still wasn't completely sure. Still didn't know if she could let go of the past yet, and the memory of _him_. The thought of seeing someone else made Yuna feel guilty, too guilty to ignore, and so she didn't really know what she wanted to do. But the worst part was that even if Yuna didn't know what she felt, she did know what she wanted Baralai to feel. And it was…

Yuna scalded her tongue as she took a swallow of tea. She winced. "So selfish…"

"Pardon?" Baralai asked, Yuna having muttered the word aloud without meaning to.

"It's nothing," Yuna sighed, taking a big bite of sandwich. Baralai had made them, she could tell—not that Yuna was exactly a good cook either, but Baralai's sandwiches had the habit of trying to fall apart, as if resentful they had been made.

Baralai didn't ask further, his expression neutral as always. Sometimes—often—Yuna wondered how much he was able to figure out on his own, and how much was just her own paranoia. She trusted him, really, but he was so—quiet.

"Incidentally, Lady Yuna," Baralai said after a minute. Yuna had started to notice, with some amusement, that he switched around his terms of address with his mood. When he was talking business or really tired, she was Lady Yuna, and when he was in a relaxed she was just Yuna. He didn't seem to notice it, though. "As I suppose you are aware, the three year anniversary is coming up, and I was thinking… is something the matter?"

"Three years…" Yuna muttered. "Oh my." But it was true, wasn't it? Next week—no, a little more then a week, it would be the three-year anniversary of the start of the Eternal Calm. The day Sin had died. The day _she_ had killed Sin.

"You'd forgotten?" He was teasing, just a little.

Yuna managed a blush. And it would also be the anniversary of the day sir Auron and… he… died. Her blush faded, and Yuna was just overtaken with an uncomfortable feeling instead. "I guess I did forget," she admitted.

"That's surprising. Everyone's been planning the celebrations for a week now," Baralai said idly. "Which is what I had meant to say. I was wondering if you were planning to stay in Bevelle through the celebrations?"

"Well, um," Yuna said. "In the past I'd gone home…" spending time with Wakka, Lulu, and baby Vidina suddenly seemed very appealing, especially when she thought about the noise and lines of officials Bevelle was sure to promise.

"That's fine, of course," Baralai said. "If you stayed, the other factions would most likely feel as if you were favoring New Yevon over them. Of course, no one would object to the Lady Yuna inviting her friends to Bevelle, and if they just happened to be…"

"People like Nooj and Gippal?" Yuna said, finishing Baralai's sentence. "You mean, it would be a good way to get all the different leaders to come together. Rikku could call Cid, I could contact Kimahri…"

"And everyone would be too busy celebrating to object to any proposals or the like." Baralai said.

"…You must throw really boring parties," Yuna said suddenly, a mental image of Baralai hosting a lecture instead of a birthday party popping into her mind. Baralai smiled.

"Usually I don't bother trying."

Yuna smiled, but bit her lip. "Everyone would be there, wouldn't they?"

Baralai misinterpreted her. "Yes, of course. You could invite anyone you wished."

But that wasn't the problem… what would Wakka and Lulu think? Or Baralai's friends? Or Cid? To see them together… Yuna already knew, and was troubled with, what Rikku thought about it… and they weren't even dating yet! Or at all. Or ever. Or…

Paine and Rikku had left two weeks ago, but of course Yuna still spoke with them regularly, at least every other day. And even though Rikku tried to hide it, it was more then clear that she didn't approve of Yuna dating Baralai (or anyone that wasn't _him_). But she had also made it clear, or tried to, that she wanted Yuna to be happy over her own personal feelings. Yesterday they had spoken, and Rikku had just suddenly burst out with…

"What are you waiting for?" Yuna murmured. Talking to herself was not a good habit, she realized when Baralai gave her a questioning glance. Especially when she was sitting right next to the person in question.

"What am I waiting for?" Baralai repeated. "Or was the question rhetorical?"

"Well," Yuna admitted, "it was Rikku's line, not mine. And…" _what am I waiting for? _"It just seems wrong. On the day he died, to… to be with you, or… I don't even know." That had come out badly. Yuna didn't ever consider herself an amazingly articulate person, but usually she was at least able to _speak _properly.

"If I may be frank," Baralai said, "To answer your question, I'm waiting for you." He said it very politely, very simply, and Yuna found herself trying not to squirm or blush.

"What do you mean?"

"I won't," he paused, looking for the right word, "be a consolation prize." Yuna did blush then, and tried to find the right thing to say in reply, anything to say in reply. Baralai didn't look at her, hesitate or do anything to indicate if he was also embarrassed. He continued speaking, calmly, after taking a drink from his mug of coffee. "I do not mean to cause you undue discomfort," he said, "I just think it should be made clear." He paused at last, slightly uncomfortable, and took another drink to stall slightly for time. "I enjoy being your friend, La… Yuna. I would not dislike being more then that, either. But I do _not_ wish to be involved with someone who after three years still feels completely beholden to someone dead. Perhaps it is selfish to say. I like you quite a bit, but I don't like you enough to want to be with you more then anything else."

"T…that's fine," Yuna said slowly, not really believing herself. She wanted Baralai to… fight for her. Chase her. Like _he_ had done, two (no, now three) years ago. The feeling of importance, of being wanted… of being pursued and wanted enough to chase. Maybe that was old fashioned, or disgustingly feminine, or impossible. Obviously impossible. Baralai had just all but said he wasn't going to do any chasing and… Yuna couldn't really blame him. But…

"I… it is different now, you know," Yuna said, all in a rush. "I don't think about him all the time. I… don't go and search for spheres or have dreams about Zanarkand every night or… I know he isn't coming back. I don't know if even the fayth would have that power. If… even if they did offer, maybe…" the worst thing of all, "I might say no. I don't even think it's completely about him anymore, you know? I'm just… I was _supposed to die_."

She was surprised by her own words, perhaps more then Baralai was, but didn't let herself stop to consider them. "I'm happy to be alive, of course I am, but it was always supposed to be the _end_, if anyone was meant to die it would be _me_, not him. Never him. And then I… that was all I had. That thought. All I've _done_ these past tw… three years has been… try to find a way to switch it. To bring him back. And on the Farplane, when we were all leaving… the fayth told me that he _was_ dead. That they were dead. That I could never bring him back. I came here because Paine said I needed a break, to take my mind off things, and instead all I've been doing is…"

"Maybe it would be best for you to go to Besaid after all," Baralai said seriously, businesslike again. "There will be festivities in Bevelle regardless of whether or not you are here, My Lady. I can manage without you."

Yuna wanted to ask him if he wanted to, but had the feeling she knew. Or maybe didn't want to know. Or… _just be decisive!_ She told herself. Then: _memories are just memories_. But now that she had started to think about going to Besaid, Yuna had to admit the idea was getting increasingly appealing. Relax with Wakka and Lulu, play with the baby… she lived on the Celsius and liked Bevelle, but Besaid was _home_. And Lulu would know what to do. So would Wakka. Rikku was… Rikku was wonderful, but she was biased. And Paine was also great, but she wasn't really the comforting, advice giving type, either. But to go to Besaid would be running away, wouldn't it?

Yuna didn't know _what_ to do.

"I understand that this must be difficult for you," Baralai was saying. "And I certainly don't mean to put any undue pressure on you, or make you feel uncomfortable. But I'd rather you know then didn't."

"Yes," Yuna said. "I'd be uncomfortable as well, I mean, if it were me." Not entirely a lie. "I just don't know what to do."

"You've said that," Baralai said, a little impatiently. "Several times." He didn't say anything more, as a woman in a plain dress—a servant—was approaching. She bowed and asked for the remains of the tea and sandwiches, and Baralai helped her gather it all up onto the tray. When she left, he remained standing, turning to Yuna to speak. "I really must be going."

Yuna stood as well. "Yes…" He said his goodbyes, more formally then usual, and left, heading in the direction of the Maester's Palace. He wasn't going to wait, and she didn't expect him to. Waiting was pointless, wasn't it? Past a certain point, waiting was just… Yuna frowned.

Waiting was pointless. "He's never coming back," Yuna told herself, as firmly as she was able. "Don't keep clinging to the past. "

Yuna clenched her fists and took off in a jog. "W—wait!" she called after Baralai, who was already out of sight. She ran a little, trying to remain somewhat dignified as she did so… there he was, she saw, talking to Isaaru and Pacce. Yuna tried to slow down and did so only awkwardly, so that she had the full attention of all three of them when she finally came to a halt, slightly out of breath. She hadn't counted on other people being there, but… she had to do this now. Later would be… Yuna swallowed. "Wait. I mean… I…" _Just say it!_ "I'm tired of waiting."

"La… Yuna," Baralai said slowly. Yuna noticed only distantly that Isaaru was leading Pacce away, over the boy's protestations.

"I don't want to. I don't want to waste my life waiting. And it'll still be… hard, but—I'm not going to anymore, okay?" Yuna said quickly. She closed her eyes briefly, trying not to think about what she was saying. "I don't want to wait anymore. He's dead. He's never coming back. He's—"

_So you're, uh, Yuna, right? Sorry about earlier. My name's—_

She opened her eyes, looking directly at Baralai as she forced the words out. "Tidus is dead," she said quietly.

And then, not knowing what else to do, sick of talking and on a roll, Yuna kissed him.

* * *

_(to be updated soon, with luck. aaargh. thanks for reading, and please consider reviewing.)  
_


	11. via amor

_I am so, **so **sorry about this disgusting delay. Six months! What the hell, me? The story isn't done yet, but it is **so close** to the end that I feel terrible about having been unable to write it for so long, there are seriously about two (maybe three) chapters left. That's just obscene. I'm sorry. I really am. I got stuck, I got distracted, I have no excuse._

_Over these past six months, I've moved to a new continent, gone to school for the first time in almost two years, lost my PS2, gotten distracted by other projects... I'm sorry. It's still no excuse._

_I have my reviewers to thank for this update. You're all so wonderful, even after all this time, and made me feel terrible every time I got a review (laugh). "Oh my god, they like it and I still have no update!" I felt very, very guilty. I also owe a thanks to **trimurti**; the **one **good thing about these six months? I have totally mastered then/than. (laugh)_

_Thanks especially to **DragoonG** for being my final straw of guilt and woe. Probably wouldn't have written this so quickly if it wasn't for your review on top of everyone else's. (laugh)  
_

* * *

x x x

* * *

He kissed back. Furiously and clumsily and awkwardly, but a kiss nonetheless—for a moment, until he pulled himself upright and pushed her away, both of them remembering suddenly that they were in public and important people on top of that. But relief—that was the name of the word. Yuna hadn't realized—now probably wasn't the time to realize, but—part of her had expected it to be too late, or—the realization of what she had just done suddenly sunk in (she _kissed_ Baralai—she! Baralai! Kiss!), and Yuna found herself turning bright red in surprise and embarrassment.

Her thoughts caught up to her. That was the way to put it, really; she had run away so quickly—no, not away, forward, forward, to him—but it wasn't only Baralai, Yuna thought, somewhat confusedly: this was a _lot more_ than just the Praetor, this was… it was… Yuna struggled to wrap her thoughts, struggled to find the words, say everything, conclude everything—start everything—or even just explain what had led her to chasing him down.

"Um." Not quite what she had had in mind. Yuna stared at her hands as she twisted them, suddenly painfully shy about the whole affair. _But he didn't push me away_, she told herself firmly. _But he wanted it, too._ But he—but hadn't he kissed her in the past? Hadn't he used her like—once she started doubting, it was hard to stop. She felt her face warm.

"…Yeah." It was more the fact that he had spoken so casually, sounding just as at a loss as she did, that made Yuna glance up, however briefly. His hand at his mouth—disgust? Or uncertainty?—he was stubbornly looking off to the side… and about as red as Yuna imagined herself to be. And suddenly she realized that he was just as _embarrassed_ as she was, not to have done the kissing, but to have acted so recklessly—or was that just wishful thinking? Or was it—or maybe—

She looked back at her hands. Then Baralai. Then hands again. _For Yevon's sake, I'm almost twenty!_ Yuna thought impatiently. Too old for this. Much, much too old.

"Sorry," she said, forcing herself to look at the man in front of her. Blushing, she forced herself to speak. "I'm sorry for…" for what? "I'm not sorry for… kissing…" she tried to keep from stammering, repeating her new mantra—her age—in her head. "I'm not sorry for kissing you. But I'm very, very sorry if—if I startled you."

Too daring. Much too daring. It took all the willpower Yuna possessed to keep from staring at her feet and fidgeting.

"I…" Baralai shrugged, at a slight loss. He was quiet for a moment, and Yuna felt an irrational fear. The only thing worse than all this would be to be rejected on top of it. Irrationally, she even found herself thinking that being used by him would at this point be better than—"I've never heard you say his name before," Baralai said. "Tidus."

Why did it hurt to hear him say the name? Why didn't it hurt more? "Ah. Um. Yes." Yuna thought about it. "You're… right. I… guess I don't like to…" talk about him. But why not? Why—if she never moved on from him, if she had really kept him so close, so carefully close to her heart all this time, then why wouldn't—why couldn't she—"Tidus. He was… my first love. I guess. I thought for a long time that he would be… my only love. The only one. I thought the fayth would—he never _really_ died, I thought, he just vanished. Tidus. I didn't believe—I couldn't—I know everyone has lost someone to Sin, but I didn't lose him to Sin, I lost him to the _fayth_. The fayth. And I was a Summoner. The fayth _gave_—" she took a deep breath and covered her face. "Oh. Oh. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Selfish. She was selfish.

She felt his hand, lightly, carefully at first, come to rest on her arm. "It's hard to let go of the past," Baralai said. "I know that pretty well, myself."

Yuna wasn't crying. A part of her wondered why she wasn't—but most of her didn't care. "I'm sorry." She took her hands away from her face, looked up at Baralai—stepped a little closer. He didn't move away, although a flicker of uncertainty crossed his features. "I'm… doing this badly." She smiled slightly. "Aren't I? Isn't this—isn't this the part where we're supposed to be talking about—not about my past. Not about _him_. Tidus." And now saying his name gave her confidence. Strange confidence. "Sorry."

"You're strange, Lady Yuna," Baralai said, taking his arm away and stepping back, but smiling faintly. "I was sure you'd cry."

The blush returned. "At what?"

"My forcing you forward. Being forced to say Tidus' name. Being embarrassed. Even if you're just half as embarrassed as I am…" he sounded thoughtful.

"You were manipulating me again?" Yuna's eyes narrowed.

"No… I lost my temper. Sorry." He didn't sound sorry, just thoughtful. "But Paine did tell me…" he trailed off under Yuna's gaze. "Ah, that the best way to move you was to get you desperate. You have the habit of becoming stronger when cornered."

Yuna resolved to have a serious talk with Paine—and Rikku, for good measure—about the amount of talking about her behind her back they did. But she couldn't find it in her to be angry with Paine—not now. She beamed suddenly, idiotically.

"Sorry," Baralai said suddenly, sounding sincere. "You're completely right." Yuna blinked, and he smiled. "We really _are_ bad at acting like a couple."

Yuna's face had been cooling, but it warmed right back up again. "C-couple? Are we—Um."

"Unless you don't want to be," Baralai added, so quickly and nervously that Yuna felt relieved. His next words, however, were calm and seemingly sincere: "Although I can't deny that New Yevon would be very happy if you would consent to such a thing; you'd be doing me a huge favor."

Yuna narrowed her eyes. "You'd _better_ be joking."

"Yes." He didn't sound apologetic.

"Your sense of humor needs some work." But she smiled.

"I'm sorry," he said, and this time it was Baralai that stepped closer. "I'm relieved."

"…A-are you?" It was suddenly twice as hard to talk. Yuna could count the threads of his coat. What was coming next? Didn't she know already?

"I… Yuna." He lost his nerve and smiled ruefully. "We're still on the Highbridge," he pointed out with an air of mild interest, looking around. Yuna and Baralai had seized to be of interest to the people around, monks and well-dressed men and women hurrying from place to place.

"So?" Yuna hadn't meant to sound so impatient, and she flushed slightly.

Baralai smiled dryly at her. "…You're right again."

Their second kiss was, on a whole, much better managed.

* * *

x x x

* * *

Gippal had found it slightly amusing and slightly exasperating that Paine's first reaction to Rikku being in a sulking fit over the whole thing with Lady Yuna and Baralai had been to dump her on him with a wicked little smile and a jaunty wave and a far, far too cheerful little "Keep an eye on her for me, okay?"

That had been a week ago. Of course he hadn't refused—Gippal wasn't suicidal, and Rikku happened to be related to and friends with several people he did not want to be on the bad sides of—and in truth, it hadn't been as bad as he had thought it might be. Sure, she was sulking more than he had ever seen her sulk in the six-odd years they had known each other—but she also wasn't objectionable to the idea of working. Rikku had been an underwater salvager before she had started the whole adventuring thing, and had always had a knack for Alchemy, and both were things Gippal was eager to take advantage of.

Also, Paine _totally_ owed him one now, which was sure to come in handy eventually.

All the same, the sulking _was_ starting to get old.

Although Rikku was in Gippal's experience a generally upbeat and sunny girl, she was adept at sulking when the need aroused, from the monosyllabic replies to the slouching and sprawling over available furniture. "How about we play a fun game of _getting out of my room so Gippal can sleep_?" he asked the girl sprawled half on the floor and half on his table.

Rikku sighed loudly. "You think Yunie's really going to sleep with Baralai?"

"Knowing the two of them?" Gippal considered. "Are they drugged, or acting of their own free will?"

Rikku made a sound that Gippal decided meant, _no, they are too freakishly responsible to use sexually stimulating drugs._ "Come on, they're both basically prudes. I wouldn't be surprised if their first real kiss is on the cheek."

"You think they're gonna get together too, huh?" Rikku sounded near suicidal.

Gippal groaned and sat down on the floor next to her. Rikku's face was flat against the tabletop, and she threw her arms over it. "Yeah, I figure they are." Gippal said frankly. "Come _on_. You're not an idiot; it's pretty obvious to everyone that Yuna likes him. And I don't think it's even possible that Baralai wouldn't start liking her, either."

"He was using her before." Rikku said, muffled.

"He kissed her. Could've just manipulated her platonically, but _nooo_." Gippal sniggered. "What do you care, anyway?" He patted her back, figuring that was the proper way to comfort sulking childhood friends.

"It's just… you know." Even though Yuna wasn't around, Rikku hesitated before saying the name. "_Tidus_. What if he comes back someday?"

"What if my parents come back someday?" Gippal asked, impatient. Rikku's hair, its usual mess of braids, was distracting him. He tugged on a braid, and when she didn't protest, Gippal began fiddling with her hair idly. "Or your mom. What if Paine's parents come back from the dead? Or Baralai's million sisters. Or Nooj's leg and arm." He grinned at the mental image that that supplied. "Who _hasn't_ lose someone to Sin? Can't be stuck on 'em forever. You know that." Fingers on her neck. Rikku's sigh was soft and breathy.

"Yeah… but… I dunno. Tidus wasn't from Spira…" her words were slow. Figuring out a connection between his actions and her responses, Gippal grinned to himself, an idea occurring. "And… Sin didn't kill him… right?"

"Isn't it more normal to want the best for Yuna?" How did her shirt stay on, anyway? Did a bikini top really count as a shirt to start with?

"Yeah… and I do… want the best for her. But _Tidus_ is the best and…"

"And he's dead." Didn't she get cold? It was almost winter. How did Rikku keep from freezing to death? It wasn't like her _skirt _was particularly concealing, either…

"I know." Rikku's voice had been getting airy and vague, but it was suddenly grounded back in reality. "I _know_." And this time, watery.

"Don't _cry_," Gippal said despairingly, his plans suddenly ruined. "Hey, if she can't be the best, that doesn't mean she has to give up on everyone _forever_. Maybe Baralai won't make her as perfectly happy, but that doesn't mean he won't make her _happy_. It doesn't always have to be _perfect_." Calm down, I was trying to figure out how to take your top off.

"But Yuna _should_ have that!" She hiccupped.

"And she can't." Gippal's hand had been getting progressively lower, but he pulled away, feeling like sulking a bit himself. "She can't have Tidus, ever, and considering how friendly she is with Baralai, I don't think she even wants him anymore, anyway. Get over it. Get over yourself."

Rikku sat up and glared. "Excuse me?" she looked surprised at the expression on his face, frustrated and cross.

"Pay attention to something other than Yuna for a change," Gippal said, meaning to snap but sounding whiny instead, whiny and frustrated both. "Not everything's about love. And that's _allowed_. It's doesn't always have to be perfect. Sometimes you just want to be _with_ someone, and sometimes it can be a _like_ story instead of a love one. You know?"

Rikku's expression shook and crumpled, and suddenly Gippal had his arms full of crying Al Bhed girl, snot and tears alike being absorbed into his shirt. He hesitated, confused, before patting her back again, gingerly. "I don't want to be alone," Rikku cried into his neck. "I don't want Yuna to leave me alone!"

Oh, _hell_. "No one's going to leave you alone."

"I like you a lot," she sniffed, getting his shoulder wet. "You're so nice."

"Yeah." Patting her back, Gippal tried to move into a more comfortable position, the table digging into his back. "Yeah, I really am." Snot was _very_ unsexy.

She laughed weakly and pulled away slightly, sitting over him and pinning him between her arms. "What are you thinking?"

"That you crying kinda stomps on my plans."

She smiled fragilely and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "What plans?"

Hell, hell, hell. "I like you back," he said rakishly. "Long as you don't mention Yuna. And stop crying."

Rikku sniffled apologetically, wiping furiously at her face. "Sorry. I really am. I just—Yuna—and—"

"Shut _up_." Never going to get laid at this rate. "Just _shut up_." She opened her mouth to protest, apologize, explain—and so, impatient at being ignored, Gippal kissed her.

His shirt was gross with tears and sweat; it had to go, too.

* * *

x x x

* * *

_I'm sorry. It's a B/Y story, but it got preoccupied by R/G this time. Sorry. I just needed to wrap up - or work on the wrapping up of - the Rikku thing. Anyway, the next chapter_ _should be up... well, let's hope that in far less time than six months, okay?_

_- parron_


	12. via insidiae

_I have NO EXCUSE and so I won't bother trying to make one. I'm really sorry. But I promised I wouldn't give up, and I won't. Simple as that._

_This chapter was mostly written... well, a year ago, so forgive the quality and shortness. My writing has improved a lot in the... year... since, so I promise that the next chapters (yes, there will be more! I swear!) will be so much better. I think there are only three or four left, so. Uh. I hope they won't take me as long as this one to write. Sorry again. _

* * *

x x x

* * *

"So you _slept _with her." Paine didn't even dignify the statement by making it a question.

Gippal considered this for a moment. "Sorry?" The two friends sat together on the Besaid beach, watching most of Besaid village and the Gullwings erect tents and tables for the later celebration; the three year anniversary of the Eternal Calm fell tomorrow, and all of Spira was preparing for the celebrations. Lady Yuna's presence had been requested in every major town and city in Spira, but she had declined all the invitations, citing instead a desire to spend the day at home, with her friends on Besaid.

"Well. I can't say I'm really surprised. At least now Rikku will have something else to think about," Paine continued, still in an annoyingly calm tone.

Gippal cast her a suspicious look. "You _planned _this?"

"Planned what?" Paine asked, smirking. "It's not as though I knew Rikku has a crush on you. Or that you liked her back, even though you _do _flirt with her a lot." She took on a slightly more serious tone. "I _hated _it. Seeing Rikku like that. I wanted to... help her out. I didn't know she had such strong feelings about Yuna and Baralai. And Tidus."

"Man, what a lame love triangle," Gippal said with half a laugh, a little sore about having been so deftly manipulated by Paine. As he spoke, he drew with one finger a messy diagram in the sand: "Yuna likes Tidus, Baralai likes Yuna, Rikku likes Yuna and Tidus is dead. Maybe it's more like a square. Or—thing."

"I just had the idea that if Rikku had something else to think about, she might lay off obsessing over Yuna so much. She's _always _been really devoted to her, but this was kinda creepy," Paine said apologetically. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"It's okay. I don't really mind," Gippal said, lying a little bit. Sure, he liked Rikku, and didn't mind the whole sleeping together part (what guy would?). It wasn't even that Paine had interfered—in Gippal's experience, bossing and meddling was how she showed she cared. It was more the fact that he had been so predictable that was bugging him. "Did you mess with anyone else?"

"No," Paine said, looking over at where Yuna and Rikku were trying to help raise a open sided tent. "Just you and Rikku."

* * *

x x x

* * *

"Yunie! Watch out!" Yuna ducked just as the pole she had just put up slipped and fell to the side, crashing into the sand and taking the tent with it. Brightly colored canvas fell over both girls, and they were silent for a moment—two brightly colored canvas lumps—before bursting out into shared giggles. "Okay, well, we suck," Rikku said loudly, laughing. Her voice was muffled from the cloth.

"I think so," Yuna agreed. The sun shone thickly through the cloth, coloring Yuna's arms blue and legs yellow. It was hot and stuffy under here already, but strangely peaceful all the same. She stifled a giggle, thinking of what they must look like from the outside—two people-shaped lumps in the canvas, unmoving—but made no effort to get up. This was, in a strange way, the first time she had been alone with Rikku since they had arrived, two days ago.

She was just going along with Baralai's plan, really, as uncomfortable as that made her. She agreed with him that it was the best way to do things—to bring all the relevant people together for a party, to bring politics in carefully... all his planning, all his idea. Yuna didn't even know how, exactly, things were going to play out. She had just let him take the lead. So now, while he had gone to talk to Captain Lucil, Yuna had found herself with nothing more important to do but set up a tent.

"Rikku...?" Maybe there was _something _important she needed to do after all.

"Yeah?" Although Yuna was just sitting still under the canvas, Rikku seemed to be making an effort to untangle herself—to judge by the sounds. Yuna couldn't see her cousin, couldn't see anything but blue cloth lit from the sun. She took a deep breath, stalling. Rikku didn't sound angry, hadn't been acting angry... but... Yuna knew how her cousin had been thinking. That she didn't approve of her and... "Hey, Yunie..." Rikku said, before Yuna could begin to decide on or word her apology. "I'm sorry."

Yuna looked in the direction of the Rikku-lump, surprised. "Rikku, I—"

Rikku interrupted, speaking quickly. "No, really, I am. Yunie. Seriously. I just was—I mean, I know I was being stupid. It's none of my business who you date, Paine said. And then I sort of did something stupid—I mean, not stupid, I mean, I don't know."

This didn't fully make sense to Yuna. "Something stupid?"

Rikku sighed very loudly. "It's not like I regret it, it's just that I... kinda maybe—Well, anyway, Yuna, if you really wanna... date him. Baralai, I mean, it's okay. It's none of my business. And I'm sorry for... I mean, I know you loved Tidus. So I... shouldn't have..."

"—No," Yuna said. "It's okay. I'm sorry, too." She wasn't sure if she was going to be interrupted again, but after a moment of waiting, Rikku still hadn't replied. Yuna looked down at her knees. "I knew... you were upset. And I knew you would be upset. I should have said something to you. Explained it. Or just tried talking to you. I'm..."

"I still think it's my fault," Rikku said, sounding somewhat petulant.

Maybe, Yuna thought. "No," she said. "I should have been more... forward with you."

"And I should've been less of an idiot," Rikku added with a laugh.

"I..." she hesitated. "What... changed?"

Rikku laughed again, nervous. "I... Gippal said, 'liking isn't the same as love.' and stuff. And then, um, other stuff happened, and then I thought I couldn't really say anything without being kinda a—a hypocrite?"

Yuna had a sudden idea that she knew what was going on; she flushed, just a little bit, under the canvas. A part of her foolishly, nervously, wanted to point out that Rikku seemed to have taken things much farther than Yuna herself had, and yet. "Was it like or love?" Yuna asked, almost to herself.

"Hey, are you two still alive in there?" Paine asked loudly. From the sound of it, she was walking towards the tarp, under which Yuna and Rikku had been sitting still and talking for quite some time now. Paine sounded a little amused. Rather than answer Yuna's final question, Yuna heard Rikku begin to uncover herself from the tent, and she followed suit, gratefully taking a breath of fresh air once in the sunlight again as she stood brushed sand from her dress.

"Eh, more or less," Rikku said, remaining sitting cross-legged. "Hey, Yunie, I know I said I'm over all that stuff, but is it okay if I shove Baralai off the dock at some point?" She nodded her head in his direction; he was standing on the dock, talking with Nooj and someone else from the Youth League that Yuna didn't know. "It's not cuz I'm mad or anything, it's just that he's wearing long sleeves and he has it coming."

Baralai was indeed wearing his favorite green coat, which stood out in contrast to the predominantly short-sleeves and shorts of the others on the beach. "I vote yes!" Gippal said, suddenly coming up on the girls from behind with his arm raised in the air as if he was asking a question in school. "Can we dump Nooj into the water, too?" Rikku seemed to flush a bit; she stood up and moved to stand closer to him.

"I've always sort of wondered..." Paine said idly. "Do you think he just sinks?"

"Because of his arm and leg?" Yuna found the mental image amusing and yet awful at the same time; she couldn't decide whether to laugh or object. Paine nodded.

Gippal considered this. "I dunno, I've checked it out before, and they're made of pretty lightweight metals. And physically he's pretty fit, obviously, so he could probably thrash his way out if he did sink."

"You have?" Paine asked.

"Sure, like, the first day of the Squad," Gippal said proudly. "Actually it was the first night, he was already sleeping, but—"

"Seriously?" Rikku sounded impressed.

"Well, he woke up and nearly killed me," Gippal admitted. "And then Baralai woke up—cause I was sort of yelling—and stopped him from said killing, which was pretty nice of him seeing as I might have called him a few, uh, nasty names earlier in the day—I mean, well, he's a Yevonite, you know?"

"Where were you during all this?" Yuna asked Paine.

She shrugged. "Recorders had their own tent. Why haven't you told me this before?"

Gippal pouted. "It wasn't really my proudest moment." His pitiful look earned him no sympathy, and he dropped it. "Anyway, it's pretty lightweight metal, so he should be able to swim."

"But you know, we should probably find out for sure," Rikku said hopefully.

"And if he can't swim?" Yuna felt somewhat morally obligated to ask.

"Well, we'll be shoving Baralai in the water, too. He can save him," Rikku said.

"...Yeah, let's not count on that," Gippal said, probably joking.

"I think they're starting to leave the docks," Paine said, squinting over at them. "Yuna, go stall them while we finish planning."

"You're really going to do this?" Yuna said, as the two Al Bhed cheered the inclusion of 'Paine-sensei' into their scheme.

"Maybe not Nooj," Paine said, probably out of concern for the hypothetical drowning, "but Baralai pretty much does have it coming. Rikku," she added in an undertone, smiling dryly; Rikku and Gippal had switched to Al Bhed and were planning rapidly, "isn't the only one who feels a little like you're being stolen away."

* * *

x x x

* * *


End file.
